No friends and cook island...
Another fustrating alone day... I did nothing yesterday, with the idea that id be going out today.. went out last night... danced with some very drunk boys.. no kissing.. i miss kissing but yeah it was a nice night... woke up at 11 to call ratika for the exercise thing... she was sleeping... she called me back at 1:30 to tell me she was awake now but that she has ppl coming over to her house so she cant go out to the movies later today.. not her fault i know.. but ive seen 3 movies over christmas by myself cos ive scott no friends.. and everytime i extend myself and actually ask someone they either say they are too busy or say they will and then cancel.. I sooo need new friends..
Did i tell you that Melanie msged me on thursday.. Apoligising for being a shit friend... saying shes going through a mental breakdown.. She said she understands if i dont want to be friends with her.. my response is.. yes i wanna tell you how shit you are.. and how you constantly break my heart every single time you dump me.. and how i hate how messed up you are... but instead i wrote.. i dont hate you.. ive just given up chasing you.. ill always be there for you .. you just have to ask for my help.. She wrote, thanks that makes me feel so much better.. i will try harder.. i will give you a call tomorrow.. Its now sunday.. and suprise suprise .. no call.. she truelly doesnt give a toss.. the random begging calls are just to momentarily make herself feel better when she thinks shes pushing my friendship too far.. Im so desperate for a friend.. i have so much shit going on... its just sad that my best friend (awarded for years known def not for actually value of friendship) has no time for me..
I will not get depressed.. i will keep my head above water.. i will..
Ohh update on the teaching rounds thing.. monash offers teaching rounds in the cookislands... newzealand.. its cost $2800 which i will have to go into debt for.. but its for 3 weeks.. and it sounds wonderful.. that and it falls right in with my uni holidays.. smack in the middle.. I have to apply by the 6th of march.. i have to have a passport by then too.. I find out by the 17th.. So i think im gonna do it.. ive never ever been on a plane.. ive never been anywhere.. its such a scarey thought.. but i need to do more with my life.. and this will force me too.. so wish me luck.. hundreds of ppl will be applying for this.. i hope i get in.. other wise life will be sooo much harder..
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