The new 2006 year!
So im feeling abit better these last few days... The hot weather has finally passed as has 2005 and im feeling abit more upbeat.. I spent nye completely by myself.. well me and the dogs.. I went to blockbuster on nye and rented dvds.. knowing that ppl watching from the outside would be thinking.. wow, id hate to be so alone that i have to rent dvds on nye cos i have nothing to do... so needless to say nye was a hard night.. very hard.. everyone had something to do and no one invited me.. Melanie didnt even answer her phone..
Work starts tomorrow.. Im anxious about working head reception especially with the new boss who seems desperate to control me and use me as much as she can... but im trying to stay upbeat... itll be nice to have something to do with my day. Not that i dont have things to do.. i can always fill my days with the things in my life.. but when depression hits.. its sooo hard to get started.. I wanted to get up early today so i can sleep tonight, go see my horse.. have a ride.. go shopping... cook this weeks lunch.. but instead i got up at 12.. had a shower and now nearly 3 hours later im still on line.. i cant get my ass moving... Its a beautiful 24 degrees outside... so loverly.. I should be riding my horse.. but anyways..
Overall im feeling happier.. im feeling inspired by the new year.. i wanna get fitter.. and happier.. i wanna do my homework.. I wanna get one more year through my degree.. one more year closer to becoming a teacher.. having a new life.. having holidays.. I wanna feel less attacked... less alone.. less used.. I want to find love this year..
Im gonna go ride my horse...
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