missa (missas_fable) wrote, @ 2005-12-29 18:04:00

She'll never stop breaking my heart
Im going mad sitting round my house doing nothing... I just asked my mother if she would like to go out to dinner and maybe a movie with me.. I pay... and her response was that she was too tired... Im sooo over it.. Fuck fuck fuck... i cant even get 5 mins of her time... shed rather sit at home and drink with wayne than spend any time with me... sit in a stinking hot house with no aircon... instead of go out to a resteraunt and have a loverly cooked meal with me... Im sooo over it... I wish shed just piss off to WA so im not reminded that shes here but has no time for me... its funny when she goes away she will miss me... but now that she has me here.. she couldnt give a shit..

Im trying to stay happy on these holidays.. its nice to sleep in and rest but im alone... everyones busy... its comming up to new years and ill be home by myself...

Mel just called me... only cos i told her to.. i msged her and told her to stop being a shit friend... So she called me to appoligise... I wanna go to odeon tonight.. something.. anything to get out of the house... Im over it... tomorrow i need to get my ass out of bed.. and do something...

I washed the dogs today.. and im looking out my window at my kelpie laying in dust... her beautful white coat covered in grey dust... I love her so much... it just kills me that the only love and attention im getting these days is from my animals... Im so stupid... Im always sticking myself out there.. begging, chasing ppl to spend time with me... I should just accept the fact that im alone.. and probably will be... for forver... My mums always questioned why i stick up for my animals over ppl... and its cos they never leave.. they never say no. or that im too busy... they sit there next to you all day... begging you to spend time with them... Ive just realised.. i am to my dog what my mum is to me.. every morning my animals look at me and beg me to not leave them.. and every day i do.. they stare up at me begging me to take them for a walk.. or throw them the ball and i never do..

Ive just written a page full of shit.. the weather and loneliness of these holidays is messing with my head... Im on the edge of another mass depression.. nah.. i have half of me already gone... I appoligise for my bullshit.. im just heartbroken...

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