Mirabilia (mirabilia) wrote, @ 2009-06-11 18:03:00

Okay, here's my plight. Mr. "makemyheartgothumpitythumpity" A came in the library today just a few minutes before I walked out to lunch. And dammit, I'm always running and hiding when he comes in simply because he's so handsome that I get all nervous and don't know what better to do with myself.

Well, the thought hit me that if I am always like a panicky deer darting away then he might think that I think that he stinks, which he doesn't. Quite the contrary is true. So at 11:30 when I just about to dart out the door I said, rather loudly for I wanted him to hear and be sure to know that I wasn't just running away from him that, "P, I'm out to lunch."

Am I a dork?

Well, sometime between one and two o'clock, he comes back into the library. And instantly, the first thought that came to me was, OMG, he likes me, he came back to the library to see me... ME! And just when I resolve to try to not run away in my customary fit of nerves and instead stand my ground and see how far this might go, well, what happens, we get a crowd.

A crowd. A large group of summer camp kids and everyone else in God's green Earth comes in and needs help with computers and finding books. So, I spend my afternoon running around helping everyone and I nearly work myself into a panic because I had planned to not run away, but now I am being drug away by occupational duties.

So, like a dork, I see my moment and as I am walking by I tell him, "Hello." And....

He

Just

Keeps

Looking

Through

His

Stupid

People

Magazine

Did he not hear me? Did he think I was saying hello to another patron? Did he just flat out ignore me?

Damn stupid article about Jon and Kate and their stupid breakup.

I did catch him looking at me when I was trying to help out a patron with the computer. NF is broke, poor, and in need of a job. He was ten cents shy of having enough to pay for his copies and I told him not to worry about it. And who was looking up from his magazine to just stare at me.... but him.

What was that look on his face? It wasn't a smile. Was it disapproval? OMG, he made me feel like Lizzie Bennett being put under the prejudiced scrutiny of Mr. Darcy. I could only look away... at the floor like a dumb cluck... and rush back to the counter.

He eventually got up, put his magazine away (backwards, mind you) and left.

The same frustration happened to me back in November. He came in. He peeked into the Winehappel Room and paused like he wanted to ask me something. And all I wanted to do was to turn around and speak to him, but there were so many people crowding around the counter that I could not. Damn people and their terrible timing.

And here is the lame part, I was so upset and angry and frustrated because I didn't get to turn and help him, answer in inquiry or be witty, charming, or anything but a stupid idiot...

I am so frustrated with myself. WTF do I have to act all weird whenever he is around?

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