So the prom ended. I took T home and walked her to her door step. The urge to build on the momentum of the night was building inside. I felt like this was the closest I had been to moving things to another level and wanted to take the chance. As we reached her door, I moved closer, planning to kiss her. But then the incidents in the past flashed in my brain. I thought, "You know, tonight was more than you had ever hoped. There's no need to ruin it." So I aborted the kiss and just gave her a hug. Maybe something would happen in the future, who knows. But in the meantime, I wanted that night to be untainted by heartache. I drove home, and went to sleep with a smile on my face.
In the following weeks, T and I spent more and more time with each other. That thing where you're on the phone watching the same channel as the other person until you went to sleep became a nightly event. Summer came and we were together nearly 24/7. We were basically inseparable. I began to wonder if maybe this was enough. Sure, we weren't physically intimate and there was nothing official whatsoever about our relationship, but it felt like it was enough. I was happy with whatever I could get.
Three weeks into summer though, she went to visit her old home and old friends in Cebu, which is a different island from the one we lived in. I tell you, that was a miserable time. I was like a junkie going through withdrawal. Being without her forced me into keeping a journal to find an outlet for my thoughts. The entries were all basically variations on the theme "I miss her". I wracked up a phone bill during those two weeks which rivaled the National Debt. At that point I stopped fooling myself. I needed to figure out where I stood in her eyes because I needed to either satiate my desires or totally try to forget about it.
She got home and I went to see her as soon as she got in. We went for a drive to a nearby park and sat in the car talking. Now, let me remind you guys that I have absolutely no game. I was born without the genes necessary for having game. My inner playa has like Down Syndrome. So instead of utilizing the quasi romantic moment and the happiness of reunion after a long separation, I went back to my old ways and bluntly laid out how I felt and where I wanted our relationship to go. Buh. Way to go dumbass. After the words came out, I immediately wanted to take them back. I knew how it would work out.
But sometimes the world can surprise you. She told me that she had been thinking the whole time she was away and had apparently missed me as much as I had missed her. She said she wanted to be with me and closed her eyes to kiss me. Things went into slow motion, but my mind raced. "This is it!" I thought. The defining moment of my life. Finally, she wanted to be with me.
What followed was quite possibly the most embarassing moment of my life.
As we leaned in for the kiss, I suddenly stopped and said, "Wait!". She gave me a puzzled look and I began my master plan. I popped a specific CD into my player. Surely she would be unable to escape my brilliant romantic scheme. Out of the car speakers came the sounds of, you guessed it, Chicago's "Hard To Say I'm Sorry", our first dance song. After soaking in the first few notes, I looked at her, gave her my best bedroom eyes and said, "Ok, now."
She blinked a couple times and then spontaneously errupted into hysterical laughter. I swear, I heard a snort in there somewhere. I was befuddled. Where had my master plan gone wrong? It worked in the movies didn't it? What da heck? This went on for a while. She was telling me about how her stomach had started to hurt already. I slumped into my seat and kinda just watched her through scrunched up eyes. Then, she said it.
"Omigod you're such a dork! No wonder I love you"
Now this time, it was me blinking. Did she really say that? Maybe she meant it in the friend, I love you way? The words had barely escaped her lips as her face got serious. Our eyes locked and at that moment I knew that she hadn't meant it in that way. We closed our eyes and both leaned in for the kiss. I'm sure that technically, we must've been terrible since we were both relatively new to this stuff, but it didn't matter. It was amazing. Finally, she was my girl.
(to be continued...)
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