Been sitting here for a bit....wondering what to write....I guess I will give you an overview of my life right now...five kids still live at home. Got home late tonight, work was a mess.....lots of drama....stopped by Subway to pick up sandwhiches for the kids as peace offering for being a bad parent....lol.....got home around 6:30pm, ate with the kids and laughed a lot. Daughter #2 went with boyfriend to a friend's house. I guess he ate me out of house and home today....great...little bugger needs to start paying rent or something...lol. Daughter #3 was out on the porch teaching the youngest to dance. Now they are all upstairs watching a movie and taking baths. Not much of a life, but I like it and more importantly...it is all mine!!
I have been feeling really crappy lately. The weekend of Memorial Day, the man I was dating for 7 months ran off to Colorado. We had been having some issues. He wanted to get married...blah blah blah...I wasn't ready. So, he ran off to the mountains...not his best thinking I will admit. But, I have been dealing with beating my head against the wall lately about it. I know I did not ask for too much...and I know HE is the one who made the decision to move away. But I can't keep from thinking..."what kind of person...how horrible can I be that I made a man have to move TWO states away???" I know, I know....it was his choice. I have heard it all... and I know it. But I am feeling crappy and trying to get over it. Oh well...what can you do? I just haven't heard from him, but another friend got a letter from him. An apology for how he left overnight (literally) and an attempt at an amends (yes he was in recovery, less than one year, so THAT alone should have told me something). And, what have I got? Where is my letter? I have no clue. Just makes me mad....hurt.....frustrated.....and angry....not in that order of course.
Daugthter #2 has been on me to "get back in the saddle" again. I told her that I really didn't want to hear THAT phrase come out of her mouth, especially when directed at ME, ever again. Just creepy! But, dating is hard, I live in a very very very small town. I go to work and I come home. And, sins of sins, I have six kids....and some are kinda young. Men my age don't want a woman with kids, and most women my age have kids..so catch-22...no win situation. But, right now, I just want to deal with one thing at a time and go slow. I still need some time.
Ok, enough about my drama for now......AJ