|Current mood:|| annoyed|
Another day @ DYC...
with only 4 or 5 days left here for the semester before i move back to lockport for 3 months u would think that the crap would be over...ohhhh no. i dont know what u really want me to say to u. u know where i stand and there is no way that i am going to choose which person im going to be friends with. if u dont want to be friends with me anymore bc i cant push someone away completely from my life because of the attatchment that is still there and the friendship that we still do have then fine. im not going to sit here and make u do something that u dont want to do. ive chosen to keep in touch with him because its way to hard not to talk to him. believe it or not we still have a great time together when we do get away from the dorms and away from everything else. we can still talk about anything and its nice to still have someone outside of certain situations in my life where i can get a neutral opinion on it. im not going to shut him out of my life completely...it isnt fair to me or him when we both want to keep in touch with each other. i know how he is, i know how to handle myself around him...dont worry i wont come crying to u when anything goes wrong. and about your email...u never tried to talk to me about anything so how can u say that im not going to hear u out. i know that u dont like him, i know that u hate the fact i still keep in touch with him, i know u hate that im putting myself in a vulnerable position, i know u hate him for what hes done to me over and over. dont think that i dont know...but i hate the fact that u cant except it for what it is. my other close friends are worried about it too but they are also there to say u can make your choices and i can see y u want to keep in touch with him. do u not except me for the choices that i make in my life too? i can sit here and tell u y we r still friends and y we still hang out but its like all that u see is what is wrong with him...is that how u see me too? im not perfect...i know that. but im only 21 and i want to live my life and learn from my mistakes...u cant protect me from everything. i dont know what else u want me to say to u. i said it all before when stuff happened and u were pissed at me for talking to him again. its still the same. its harder not to talk to him and have him out of my life when we r still at the same school and in the same building then to be friends with him. do u want me to choose b/t the both of u? bc i'll tell u right now im not choosing b/t u 2. if i have to split time b/t him and my other friends then fine i'll do it. but it would make it a lot easier if people were civil with each other and just put up with the fact that im friends with both of u and i dont want to hear the nasty comments from either of u when the other ones not around. we r going to be 4 years in college next year...how about we all act like it.
anyways now onto the good times ive had the past couple of days. believe it or not ive actually had a good time hanging out with jim the past couple of days he didnt have to work. well lets start with friday...it was another good one downtown with britty. we ended up running into a shit load of people that we knew. billy was down there so it was cool to see him again, and jow and sweet lou were down there with a couple of their friends, DYC people, courtney, lindsey and christine...it was a good time. i couldnt keep up with talking to everyone! so we got back after 4 (jims steakout was great!!) and headed off to bed. saturday i got 2 hours of sleep because i had to get up and do check out duty...which sucked bc i was hung over/still drunk at 9 in the morning! but then my parents came down and we went out with staceys family for the day in niagara falls and walked like 50 fucking miles!!!! ok not 50 but it was a long way...went out to dinner at casa di pizza and had a good time. then as soon as we got back i fell asleep at like 8 and didnt wake up til 9 the next morning...i was a little dead. sunday i went out to breakfast with jim at denny's then i walked 18 freaking holes of golf with a couple of guys from denmark and jim...it was a good time. we saw baby ducks and geese! it was so cool. panos for dinner...had the most amazing steak! yea thats right i said steak!! then fell asleep for a couple of hours...woke up, drank with britty for a little bit. went to jims steakout at 4 in the morning on monday!! then came back and went to sleep. monday went to lunch, mall, niagara falls for dinner and just to spend some time outside because it was beautiful!!!! the falls looked really really pretty with the sun on them too yesterday. we went to boston pizza/ sports bar for dinner and it was so fun. there was this stupid girl with black makeup on and she looked scary trying to bum cigaretts off of anyone there. stupid girl...i wanted to hit her because she was dumb. then we came back here...and i talked with some people for a while, had a couple more beers with brit and got to talk a little about stuff then went to bed around 1. then woke up today and got laundry done and packed up a sit load of clothes and am kinda going thru things to see what i want to put in storage and whats going home with me.
another year is gone here at DYC full of its ups and downs. im glad to see it go expect for the few people that im close with. i wont really get to see them for 3 months or so. the summer will me filled with road trips with friends, work to get some money, partying with my buddies from back home, and hanging out with the family (actually saving my brother from my parents!) omg i got an IM this morning from an old friend from highschool...JERAD!! he had moved down to florida with his girlfriend i think and now it wasnt meant to be so hes coming back up here to lockport! i cant wait to see him because the last time i ran into him was in walmart last summer i think. i cant remember but its been such a long time. so he IMed me with that he's read what i've been going thru and said he's dealing with the same thing and that hes coming home this summer and that hes always gonna be there for me. im so excited to see him! jeff is moving outta lockport this summer tho. so i'm actually going to have to drive more than 5 mins to go and see him. but lindsey will always be there...i cant wait to see her all the time too. im going to miss my buffalo friends and all the good times we've had but im sure i'll be meeting up with them downtown every friday this summer or at some point with all of my friends from home. summer is fast approaching...more good times and memories to come.
peace out everyone!