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julia (mazystar) wrote,
@ 2004-11-27 21:44:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:pj harvey

    i haven't been this depressed in weeks. i don't know what come over me. i guess i have alot on my plate; just ending a 2 year relationship, my step-dad is sick, my best friend is living away, and my self-confidence is at an all-time low. i feel so stupid and imcompetent lately. i'm back on this downward spiral....it's all about how much i fight not to hit rock bottom. not to just give in. riley said i'mso fll of it...maybe i am. maybe i'm selfish and to some, have nothing to complain about. but this is my reality, and this pain is real. depression is real, and i know it's may not be taken seriously by some people (in riley case he has his own illness and probably thinks that how i feel is bullshit, and i hate that) but it's real. it's a disorder and i'm faced with it everday of my life. it's with me everywhere i go. when i wake up, when i go to sleep. not all the time tho....there are those times when i feel good. but not nearly as good as i should feel, or as the average person feels, (well seems to feel). i know this will pass, but i just can't be strong right now. i want to curl up in bed. and maybe that's what i need. (felicia i need ana...i feel so much cleaner). i want to be in control...and it will come. but for tonitemy emotions consume me and i will, in felicia's words, sleep away this reality. good-nite



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