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Life is kinda cool. After all the drama here in my house, I had this duality in my soul, you know. Like I feel like a piece of shit, thanx to Dad, but deep inside I feel that I'm doing the right things... I have a work. I'm doing something with my life. And it's something good. I kinda have this private life, that no one has the right to get into and judge or criticize or something. It's *my* intimacy, and I'm free to do whatever I want with my heart and my pussy; at the same time I have this public life, that girl that study and work, the girl that design websites and finally get paid for that last job she did. And hell! that public life is perfect!! ok, no, it's just as good... I don't know why should I be punished this bad?? Whatever. On Monday I had the feeling that it was going to be a bad bad day. But out of the blue Michael appeared: "Good news, we're getting paid today" YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I went back home and received my money!!! WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOWWW.... cool. Tuesday: I talked with Danny... I knew he was going through a very bad moment, he needed money, so I lend him US$160. I know it's a lot, but he needed it, and I could do it, so I just did it. Wednesday: I told Ashley about the money thing. she scolded me... she said something that I tried hard not to think about... "Are you stupid? what do you think that he's going to do with the money?? He's going to eat it with Susan!!"... yeah, she's right. I mean, I'm doing good lending him money. I'm being an asshole knowing that I'm sponsoring his affaire with HER. I felt like shit but fortunately my job took my thoughts into something more important. At night he took me home. We took some time. He was there with me all the time, you know, he didn't call Susan. We kinda talked a lot... he wanted to talk really... nice. no, SWEET... yeah. On Thursday there were people selling stuff like flowers and jewelry and heart-shaped balloons and shit cuz this weekend we celebrate Saint Valentine and yeah, that reminds me that it's like the 4th time that I'm alone for this date... whatever, thanxs God I have a job... and it doesn't give me much time to think about bullshit.... and gee, thanxs life, Danny has been so sweet and nice with me all this week.... *sigh* On Friday I started bleeding again... fuck. Danny said that I shouldn't take more birth control injections... but I want to try for the last time next Monday... if I keep bleeding I have to take pills... I hope things get better with my stupid menst. I don't want pills. Pills are boring. hehehe. At night, we drank beer. But we were not alone, Kyle, Dave and Christopher were there too. We talked about old times {those in were I wasn't born yet. LOL}. At 9 pm Danny took me home. He gave me flowers. He held my hand the whole way. He was there, just with me. Just us. And that was great. Why every time I try I get away, he's there, sweeter than ever??... He even said "that's not you gift yet" when he gave me the flowers... like 'Wait, I'll give you something cooler next week'.... Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... It doesn't help a lot... Saturday: I was going to see a movie with Bobby, but his mother is in the hospital, so we decided that it was better if we tried next weekend. So, I found myself without a plan... so I took my money and went shopping. Alone. But it was cool. I bought some clothes... man, wonderful clothes!! and sexy underwear!! YEAHH!!! At night I felt horny and sexy with my new stuff, and yeah, I thought a lot about my Danny... I had 2 great orgasms... I planned everything in my head to have a very sexy evening next Thursday with him... Today, Sunday: I bought some thingies for my hair and 2 Cool-Veet boxes. Vanity time!!! I worked the whole day doing a presentation for Jack. I also helped dad to vaccine all the 4 computers, cuz they got infected with a virus called W32/Datom. Sucks, fortunately, nothing bad happened. At night I watched one of those reality shows that are high-popularity right now...something about TV stars.. and yeah, I had a renewed strength to say "There you go" like Pink. I love that song, is cool. I don't know, maybe I should use this moment that I have money and I'm kinda having success to get over him... I mean, it's enough!... I have showed myself that I can get better things for myself!!... I have to get over him. It hurts, and it's scary, but I need to think more in my own stability and happiness. .... it's just that he's my happiness... Gee... I'm still in the same limbo... the only difference is that another day has passed by, I still love him. Now I have more money than one week ago. I have better grades {excellent grades, to be precise}. My family is destroyed, but hell, at least that lie ended. Now, I don't want him to be so sweet... I can't imagine falling even more in love with him... Yesterday and today, I did something pretty stupid. I went to a supermarket. Ok, that's normal, the point is that I went to places that I have been with him before... like walking though the same paths that we walked together... buying the same stuff that I bought with him... I don't know, that's kinda sick... but I couldn't help it... I just felt like so happy walking through so many happy memories... He's so around me... every word, every song, every place... I have something that reminds me that we've been so together at times.... it makes it harder to take him out of my mind... Life's kinda cool. I hadn't sex in this week, but it's still cool. Post a comment in response: |
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