this has been taken over (mar_bluedragon) wrote, @ 2004-03-17 19:54:00

to all that have been wondering why my enrtys are missing
its cuz im tired of getting shit about them.
ashley you ahev no right to acuse me of wut you are. thats a serious acusation. you dont even know wut its like to be raped. you say i got away, from wut? you know i know more about wut it feels like to be raped then you do. i have been raped twice. how would you know anything about it? i dont get you at times first you tell me about how bill is threatening you, then you tell me off like it never happened. i know that he is threatening every one. and it pisses me off. but you know wut its none of my cuncern any more i dont want to hear about any of it. if he starts beating on you next i dont care, its your fault that you pushed your friends away cuz of him. you about to lose another cuz of him. he is controlling your life and you dont want to see it anymore cuz your affraid of being alone.
you know why i choose to be alone? its cuz every time i get into a realationship it seems there is something that screws it all up. im not trying to controll you but i do want you to think about where you want to be in your life and if you really want to be held back by this guy, cuz this is exactly wut he is gonna do.
and for the me being raped, yes it did happen ive never told any one cuz i thought it was imberassing. and i know more then most about the subject. the frist time i was raped i didnt know wut was going on i was only 5 the second time i was ended getting tied up cuz i didnt want it happening to me. and both by some one my mom and her husband at the time thought was a trust worthy person. i was almost raped a third time by dell and i know every one know whoi that ass hole is every one but billy. i woke up with him standing over me on countless occations, only in his underwear. he tired to act likme he was gonna woop my ass and pulled my pants down once and i wouldnt let him.
i have a reason to be pissed at the world, wuts your? ive been through more then you can imagine. but im still here trying to get along with every one that is still in my life. i didnt even have a problem with billy till he sent me a threat. then you decide that you have to exile me from your life when i called my dad and said something like a brother should. it was either me or your mom was gonna tell him cuz he was gonna find out sooner or later.
if you have any complants for this you can stick it up your ass, cuz you know nothing about me, ewhy do you think that i keep my self so distant? its cuz i have more to hide from people then any one else. and i know that one way or another every one will find out sooner or later. you say i got away scot free, i wasnt even talking about that when i said ive piad for my mistakes. how can i get away with something that i didnt do? you know nothing about me. alot less then you probably evre will. if you still ewant to talk i dont care ill talk but i dont want to hear a god damn thing about billy and yuo fighting. thats your deal. if he comes around me and starts somthing i try to ignorre him as long as i can but i dont know how long it will be. till the next toime i feel like saying somthing that people needs to hear.good bye

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