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My Heart is Black. I Hate You All. "I've been sittin' here Tryin' to find myself I get behind myself I need to rewind myself Lookin' for the payback Listen for the playback They say that every man bleeds just like me And now I feel like number one Yet I'm last in life I watch the younger ones And it helps to pass the time I take too many pills to help to ease the pain I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the same Everybody knows my name They say it way out loud A lot of folks fuck with me It's hard to hang out in crowds I guess that's the price you pay To be some big shot like I am Out strecthed hands and one night stands... People don't know about the things I say and do They don't understand about the shit that I've been through It's been so long since I've been home I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long Maybe I forgot all things I miss Somehow I know there's more to life than this I said it too many times And I still stand firm You get what you put in And people get what they deserve Still I ain't seen mine... I've been giving just ain't been gettin' I've been walking that there line So I think I'll keep on walking With my head held high..." I don't know how I always end up so... Lucky. It's not like I go out looking for these freaks. I am not on some great quest for love or companionship. Yet it seems that around every blind corner lurks another one. About the time I have almost gotten rid of Psychofuck #1, Psychofuck #2 rolls into the picture (see previos post). And then I have all this shit to deal with in the "Real World" with work and The Family and the upcoming wedding... And then there is J.... J doesn't work. Doesn't want to work. And I don't think has any real intentions of working. But then again, why should she??? She is almost 30 years old and lives at home with her mother rent free, driving a truck that was given to her, and having me pay for every other god damn thing under the sun. And I am drowing and going under because of it. I struggle enough to take care of myself and my babies - then add her into the equation that takes and takes and takes and I am about out of ANYthing to give... It becomes a maniacal crunch at the end of the month to get everything paid on time - if at all... But that is of little to no concern to her. (Let me just bitch a little here.) I am just sick to death of all these fucking Vampires. When is it my fucking turn??? When do I get a break and have someone take care of me - or at least contribute SOMETHING (anything) - instead of me taking care of the whole god damned world like I have for the last 28 fucking years. I want my own Diana Ross moment. But in order to do that, I am basically going to have to tell everyone in my life as I know it to Fuck Off... Which - in all honesty - would be the best thing I could do... Maybe I just revel in being unappreciated... Gives me something to bitch about. Post a comment in response: |
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