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Amanda (mandakins) wrote,
@ 2003-09-08 11:42:00
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    U will fly and U will crawl, God knows even angels fall. No such thing as uve lost it all.
    Ahhhg i havent eaten since saturday night. Theres nothing in my house that tickles my fancy either. Ahhg. Today i'll be cleaning and doing homework ALL DAY. No school, hell yes. I rented lord of the rings: the two towers, the sound of music, where the heart is, and identity. So i plan on watching them. I saw lord of the rings on saturday night, but im gonna see it for the 5th time again. Cuz i love it, okay? that better be okay. I was talking to thom and ryan last night, and their gonna help me with my self esteem and self conciousness. So, i guess thats a pretty good thing! Me and Andrea talked last night, things are good. I admit i was a bitch lastnight at church, but we talked everything over. She made me realize a lot of things last night..........

    OdDgIrLoUt383: i do care drea, i DO CARE. but lately, i havent been able to listen to peoples troubles, because im to wrapped up in my own

    OdDgIrLoUt383: and that sounds selfish, but i cant help other people, till i help myself

    Andrea: But, u niglect to tell me that! If u would actually open up and we could talk like we did before, someone, maybe be ((i doubt that, but im ALWAYS willing to try)) could try and talk to u and help you work some stuff out because i can tell that u have shit ur completely holding back and its eating u slowly from the inside and u need to talk to someone.

    Andrea: maybe me****

    Andrea: Maybe im not the person u feel u can talk to right now, but, im always here for u..but if not me, then SOMEONE

    OdDgIrLoUt383: And i know u think im probably a bitch for saying what im saying about you and matt. But sometimes people dont want to hear it, because their envious of the kind of relationship you have. And i dont know, i know it bothers me. YOu know it does, because i've always wanted something like that. And the one relationshp i did have like that, i completely fucked up. And we both know well enough what im talking about. I know i've neglected to tell you what i've been feeling. But i dont know how to tell anyone anything anymore. Expecially my dwight stuff. Because i come off as being COMPLETELY over him, and all okay. But the truth is, im not okay. My heart is dead. I've lost all the love i've ever given him. ANd i gave him all the love i could. And drea, i do want to tell you things, because i know you'll understand, but these days im afraid to say anything. I dont know why, but this fear has grown in me

    Andrea: AHH manda, you SHOULDNT feel worried about telling me because im always willing to help the best i can and give u my all because i know what u mean about the whole..not over dwight thing, and honestly to tell u, theres something about him that tells me hes not over you either. I dont know if that even helps, but im just letting you know that theres stuff between you two that U NEED to settle because u are both hurting from eachother and its not gonna get better unless u guys do something about it. Manda, as much as i know u DONT wanna tell him, u HAFTA tell him how u feel because maybe something will come up and it will make u feel better. ((IM REALLY SORRY FOR BRINGING UP "him )) Like..ahh today in church, when that guy said something about me and matt in the parking lot, and then everyone was all like "ohhhhh"..That made me and matt SO FUCKING PISSED OFF that we walked out, that was completely disrespectful of him but...later on when we came back, we went to talk to him, and he apologized so then there was closure and it made us feel better than we did before. Im not saying that u and dwight need "closure" but to a certain extent, u do. You NEEd to talk to him about whats going on between you two,
    manda, uve never held anything from him and now is the worst time to start. Theres always gonna be this tention between u guys if u dont settle ur feelings and set them straight and open up to eachother.

    OdDgIrLoUt383: I know that i need to tell him, but im SCARED TO DEATCH. Because if we do have closure, its going to be over for GOOD. And i dont know if i want that. I mean.... i still love him so much, and i dont want to be completely over forever. Because one day, i do want to be with him. Maybe for the rest of my life, maybe not. But either way, im not over him, nor do i want to be. And i know what you mean about matt, and its okay you mentioned him, cuz it was a realting story not something else. And i completely know what you mean, and i know i should tell him. And i guess im just not wanting to settle it cuz it means im really going to have to MOVE ON. and .. im not ready for that

    Andrea: I know exactly what u mean but u atleast need to tell him that u arent over him

    im going to clean, buhbye

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