|Current mood:|| depressed|
I don't know what is going on with me. I don't know if I am feeling all crappy because I started taking those birth control pills again, and the hormones are messing with me or what. I just feel so freaking depressed lately. I feel like there isn't anything out there for me. I have like two friends. Pam and... Donna? Jeremy? Tony? I don't know who is my friend anymore except for Pam. I hardly ever talk to Jeremy any more, and I don't really hang out with TOny lately, and Donna... I just don't know if I can trust her. Everything just seems so messed up. I haven't felt this lonely or depressed since I was dating Mike and everything was going wrong. That is really scary. Lately when I am driving home at night I just feel like crying, just like I used to when I drove home from work when I was with Mike. I just started feeling lost again. I shouldn't be lost. This should be the time of my life where I can figure things out and have fun, and be glad that I can finally straighten out my life. But I just don't feel like it. I just feel lost and lonely and depressed and sad. I shouldn't be any of those things. I just feel so crappy when I go and hang out with Pam and Ethan and JEremiah at the "batcave". Maybe I am jealous that Pam has someone. But that is screwed up, because I shouldn't be jealous because of obvious reasons that have recently come to light. BUt I am. I feel like a third wheel even though Jeremiah is there. That is another thing. I just feel plain weird around him. Nothing seems right any more. Everything seems messed up. I have just only recently been feeling this way though. It's funny because if I was feeling this longer than that, I didn't realize it. I have been hanging out with Pam a lot more and less with Tony. When I am high I Just don't feel all these sad things. Maybe it is because I am with TOny and I like him, but it could be because of the drugs. WHO THE HECK KNOWS? Maybe in the morning when I wake up I will take one of my zoloft pills and see if it helps me to feel normal again. Its time for bed, I have to get up in the morning for work.