|Current mood:|| okay|
|Current music:||"I love you baby!" by BRAK (SGCTC Rules!!!)|
-= we like da moon!!!! =-
sorry, i have that song stuck in my head yet again, i think it's from somethingawful.com, but i can't remember at the moment.
today has been like all the others basically. last night i had to miss school, so making up the final should be a trial in and of itself. my dad wasn't able to watch the 2 little joys of my life (seriously), so i tried the ex's place, to no avail. it seems her fiance "accidently" ended up shooting half a "t" (whatever the hell amout that is) of what was supposedly meth, but that turned out to be stright lsd in powder form. so needless to say, here (3 and a half days later), he's still trippin balls from hell, puking blood, and various other unmentionables.
so back to the story...recap: dad can't watch the boys because he has a run, the ex can't because her fiance is too tweaked. ok, continuation time. so i run to my buddy brian's house (shaggy), to see if he'll watch them for a few hours. he agrees, and right as i'm tryin to leave, nate (my oldest - soon to be 3 years old) starts freaking out bad, the only way i can thing to describe what hapened is it was like a badly beaten dog type of crying. and there's no way in hell i'd leave him to cry himself to sleep like that, so i decided to say fuck school, and stay there until he at least got to a deep sleep so i could go do the final. no luck. i ended up crashing with him and nicolas (my youngest - 13 months), until about 10 o'clock, which is when i packed them up and ehaded for home.
ok, call me spineless, or whatever you want, but there's no way in hell i would ever be able to leave either of my boys home in the state that nate was in. hell, just remembering how he cried and screamed for me "daddy!!! please!!!! daddy!!!!" just makes me ache to high heaven...it breaks my heart to hear someone so beautiful, so intelligent, and so damn cute, cry like they have just had their heart broken and world shattered. yeah, i'm a big mush ass for my kids, but if it were anyone else in the world, i'd do the exact same thing. maybe i am like all my friends have told me all these years...maybe i do care too much. but as far as i'm concerned, screw the world and what they think. i'm just me, and if i care too much about people, especially my family, then so be it. i can only be one person, me. and i love my 2 little men with all my heart, and it shouldn't be any other way.
final thought: how wonder it is when someone so oblivious to all the mesed up shit in the world, a child, can still laugh at your silly faces, and then sneak up on you with a suprise hug and you hear the little voice say "my daddy...i love you"...thats when you know whats most important in your life. love.
to my sons, nathan and nicolas: you mean the world to me. don't ever forget that i'm here for you, no matter what happens. i love you both soo much. <3 daddy
hasta, later days, peace out, and oooogah booogah boogah!!!!