| Current music: | toni Braxton;makin me high |
the morning after
It’s morning after an interesting night. Mommy comes home from Ft. Lauderdale today. I’m excited because I miss her. Today I’m feeling quite sexy….not from my looks just from my power. My power over my world. In my world I can be whoever I want to be. Today I’m just being me. I’m in control of my own emotions and I want to feel…. I mean really feel my anger my passion my love my hate I want to feel my soul. I’m not going to control myself because I need my feelings. I feel content my mind isn’t racing but my eyes can only see a blur as the real world passes me by. I’m ecstatic, I’m depressed and I’m so balanced I’m about to jump of a building. No I’m not high or drunk but I just feel amusement when talking to myself. Don’t know what the hell I’m talking about….but anyway, I know that my feelings are mine and I own them. I refuse to let myself be controlled by logical thought. My emotions were given to me for a reason. I am going to use them and not apologize for them I can’t help my feelings I love me… I love the whole fucked up world. I’m in love without the butterflies and the electric shocks up my spine…it’s like ice cream with no spoon. I actually want to hold him right now and tell him that he’s mine and I’m his for ever even though we will never be together. I think that we are meant to be together but not necessarily in the way I want us to be together I’m blessed to have him in my life and I agree it’s better to know this love and loose it than to have never had it at all. I told Kellie that if somehow she wanted Martin I would not be mad. If that made him happy then I would want him to have her. I’m becoming an interesting person. It’s only because of these strange comments that I think I’m in love. I would give him the world if he wanted it. I’m going to stop talking about him because I feel stupid now. Holla……
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