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Macia (macia) wrote,
@ 2003-08-01 09:14:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Evanescence: "My Last Breath"

    ...non-existent...
    My first journal and my first entry... I don't even know why I'm writing this... Probably because of Eiri... Definetly because of Eiri. How we ended up meeting it actually a long story- one I'm going to have to tell.

    You've read my profile, right? You know I live- lived - on the streets, and what a hell my life was? Well, today started out the same. I had been wandering about doing my usual nothing, when he walked up and what a first impression he made... He thought I was beautiful, that he wanted to talk to me.

    I wasn't overly flattered when he thought I was beautiful, because right then, I didn't believe it. Of course, I had already made a little...eh, promise to myself... So I made an idiot of myself... God, I'm such an idiot when it comes to people... I kissed him. No, not even once. Twice.

    Despite my obvious mistakes and flirtatious attempts, he took me in, saying he would share his apartment with me. I couldn't believe it... Hell, I still can't believe it. It was the best luck I've had in a while. Fate has always been a bitch to me, so I just know something is going to happen.

    But him... Eiri Arashi... I don't want to have him taken from me, and I want let anyone take him. I already owe him so much... Free rooming and food, not to mention the clothes... He's hot, and damn hot, at that, but... It's now just that... I like him, and I mean I like him alot... And even without my heart, I think I could learn to love him.

    I can almost understand him, just not why he's being so nice to me. He's had a horrible life, so many people betraying him... So how can he still be so nice? I'm pretty sure it's not common... Maybe it's just because I'm not affected by his siren-charm...

    I don't know. Next to him, though, I feel dirty and fake... Eiri, he gave me the most beautiful -real- smile. I don't know... I just don't have the life energy to dredge up many sincere smiles... Not only that, I just don't feel clean... I feel like I'm out of place in his apartment... I just don't know.

    Maybe I just need to relax. I hate feeling like this... I need a cigarette, and I wonder if he has any. Probably not... Damn. Maybe I shouldn't have made that stupid promise. God, I'm an idiot. God... What the fuck am I saying- writing, whatever? Gods, angels, and devils... Where the fuck have I been? None of those exist.



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