| Current mood: |  depressed |
Do or I don't I?
Feeling really hopeless lately. I hate everything and everybody. I don't want sympathy. I don't need sympathy. I just want to vent. I hate my job, my life, myself. I'm in my thirties and given up the solitude of my own apartment to move back in with my parents, nephew and pregnant sister in order to pay off some bills and get back on my feet again. I hate my job and can't decide on what the hell I'd rather be doing before I reach retirement age. I've gained a ton of weight since having surgery two years ago and keep from stuffing shit into my mouth! What a patheric loser. The only thing worse than all of this is the pathetic way I keep feeling sorry for myself and whining about it! I know what I need to do to make things better but, everytime I make an attempt at the right thing the depressions kicks in and all I can think of is killing myself. I find myself trying to convince myself how much better off I'd be if I just ended my life. I could use the Christmas bonus I'm supposed to get from my job to leave it to my mom so she wouldn't have to worry about burial expenses.
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