Emmie (lunadea) wrote, @ 2007-12-30 03:27:00

Stuck Here In Neutral
Can't she tell that I want her?
She's on the out's with her girlfriend. I'm being sympathetic. So's Jenna, but she's being more of a rational person.
"I wanna be a player again! I want to be all cocky and not dependent on anyone!"
Jenna talks her down.
"Dump her, for sure. But don't go slutting around or anything!"

She knows I'd be up for that, doesn't she? But she doesn't even hint. I make sure I don't stare. It's hard, when you like someone. You could look at them for hours. It's still that way with me and T. I could just stare at him for days, and there's no emotion of that sort anymore. Mostly.
Later with Brian. She and Jenna have been flirting with him. He gave her a backrub. I'm sitting on his other side, talking about Family Guy.
We start the movie. The girls on the floor start freaking out. It's kinda creepy. I go to the bathroom halfway through, and come back, sitting down next to Brian without a second thought.
Then I realize that there's stuff going on under the blanket.
My gut twists and I ignore. It stops, eventually.
Later, BB tells me that they used to fuck around.
Oh, I say.
She makes jokes about the girls she might fuck at the New Year's party. I laugh along.
It's not like I put myself out there. We're just friends and all.
But it's still a little gut-wrenching when we part ways.
Next time I see her, she'll have a better girlfriend. Maybe I'll have one.
But this time, this visit home, it could have been.
It wasn't.

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