| Current mood: |  discontent |
| Current music: | Everywhere- Britney Spears |
You notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
In strangers' land
And love is strong
Why carry on without me
And every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby, oh
I make believe that you are here
Is the only way that I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And the sun smiles on me
Oh, at night I pray
That soon you'll face will fade away
And every time I try to fly I fall
Without my wings I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
After all
-Everytime, by Britney Spears
I don't really know what to write because recently I have been an emotional rollercoaster. This could be for a variety of reasons, but for the most part I haven't been happy with how things have been going and with everything in general.
I guess the song above can describe a lot of what I'm feeling right now. I think I'm torn between the attraction I find in someone physically, and the attraction that I lust for- something physical and mental. I want to be wanted by someone that truly can see who I am, for my faults and for my strengths and appreciate all the qualities of my personality. I want someone to see my outer beauty, but most of all, my inner beauty. And I think I'm disillusioned by the fact that many members of the opposite sex look at only the outer beauty and bullshit their way through their attraction to the inner beauty by telling you shit that makes you think they see you for who you are.
I could sit here and wait for something to come around, and not trust my intuition that it's not going to. That it's not worth it, and that there's something better out there. And scary thing is, better may have come- maybe not best, but better.
This evening made my week. At the beginning of the week, I found myself crying over a song that was supposed to be symbolizing our sorority, but instead I thought of other things. Two days into the week, I felt a little better when I talked to someone for about twenty minutes. Then I talked to them again online this evening, and it just made me happy because it was an actual light conversation that was full of humor, and full of life. And I miss someone that's upbeat and full of life (other than my soulmate :-) ) to talk to and to really understand me. And even though the conversation wasn't about much of anything, it was just the fact that the humors clicked, and that it made me laugh.
I'm ready to live my life the way I want it. I think this quarter I've really stepped out of the box that I was hidden in last year and I think people, especially some of my sorority sisters, are realizing who I am as a person and what I want. I can be brash, I can be rude, and sometimes crude. But for the most part, I think people mistaken that attitude for being opinionated, confident and aggressive in pushing my opinion.
I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to take a stand to get it. I know my strong suits, and sitting back and just doing petty little jobs to commemorate events is not my thing- I'm a planner, an organizer, and someone that has been recently termed as "the life of the party". I want to plan the damn events, be the front runner to get things accomplished, and be the one that people can go to and want to have things planned. And I'm going to work to get it.
Thanks Soulmate for bringing me to reality sometimes. I'm glad I have you here!
My job at Cache isn't satisfying me anymore- I find it mindless, and if it weren't for my coworkers, I probably wouldn't be there.
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