|Current mood:|| satisfied|
This Past Week
I'm not a virgin anymore. That happened Wednesday night and I think it's interesting. I made this very big deal out of it and yes, I think it is still a big deal, sex and everything and I don't see myself doing it with just anyone. But I was so scared before it started. Shaking so much. I scared Slowey. But when it all started, everything faded and I couldn't believe any of it. He held my hands and told me he loved me. He stopped when I asked him to and sat back if it hurt too bad and waited on me to be okay with starting again. I didn't bleed and the pain wasn't at all what I thought it'd be. I wanted to cry because I was happy. But he laughed at me so I didn't because I started laughing instead. We listened to Dave Matthews and the lights were dim. It was just so nice and I don't regret it and I wouldn't have done it any other way.
The next day, I was too happy. Everyone knew something was up. He called me at lunch and asked me how I was feeling. He just made me smile so much. And there is so much "I love you" stuff going on. I spent Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights all at his house. I asked him if he was spending time with the boys tomorrow night and he said he'd put the time aside for me. I asked if it was because of the sex. He said not really, he just wanted to spend time with me before he leaves for 6 months on Monday morning.
Last night was prom and he called me beforehand and apologized for not going and said he wanted me to have a good time and knew I'd be beautiful and have people to dance with and take pictures. He told me he loved me. Then he called today to ask me how it went and talk about stuff going on over there. I think he started to get teary, but I'm not sure? I said "Are you starting to cry? BECAUSE I HOPE YOU ARE!" and then it went back to normal. It didn't last long enough for me to be able to tell whether or not he's joking.
We're not back together. However, I think maybe that if he wasn't going on this trip, we would be. I don't know what all is going to happen in 6 months. I'm pretty sure he won't meet anyone, and I'm not sure whether or not I will. It's a long time. So we'll see what happens. All I know is that right now, I am very happy with everything that has happened between us this past week. And I wouldn't change it for anything.