So, here is my story. It might be a little confusing...
The best way to start is from the beginning in order for you all to get a better understanding. In 8th grade i started private school. A christian school. I felt like I didn't fit in and I thought I was different from everyone else. I had no one to hang out with. I made a friend in the second semester, her name was Laura and she lived in a sort of strict house. She wasn't allowd to watch friggin MTV.. but that's the only person i had so I thought whatever.. it's better than being lonely. Her mom wanted her to get new friends that were more of her "type" because her older friends were making bad choices and whatever.. i felt uncomfortable because the girls mom would complain about teenagers wearing thongs and how inappropriate that was. I was the opposite of what she wanted for her daughter. But again.. she was the only friend.. beggars can't be choosers. So I would sit with laura at lunch, yes that right.. with her and her Bad friends, who gave bad examples.. this was more of my crowd. We all joined the soccer team and i started making friends with the other girls and slowly me and Laura stopped talking. her mom wasnt happy.. life goes on. There was girl I was getting really good friends with, her name was bea. We were alike in a lot of ways.. but also very different at the same time. I started going to her house and we would talk a lot.. about everything.. i told her all my secrets. I know this sounds fruity but just listen. She had a boyfriend and they were a great couple. They've been going out for about a year and a half. Everytime me and bea would go out to the movies, he would come along too. Me and him became closer friends and we started talking a lot and online and on the phone.. i just thought of him as a good friend.. never thought anything more would come from it. Everytime i saw Oscar and Bea together i would think, "damn i want that, i want love." So Bea tried to hook me up with his friends but I wasnt really feeling it.. them. So around february of this year he broke up with her. And i'm so sure it was soo hard for her to deal with, i mean HELLO.. she was in love with the kid. So since i was a good friend of hers she kinda used me to get her mind off of oscar meaning she came over a lot i went to her house a lot.. we went out a lot. I was getting annoyed. Sure she was a good friend but i felt used like "oh yeah kerry lets go and do this and that" and she always complained about him and HE would talk to me and complain about her.. remember me and him are friends. So like a month later and we decide to get drunk cuz it makes us HAPPY.. so bea came over, then we invited oscar and brandon and morgan.. I have no idea why she would want to see oscar after all of the pain he put her thru! But whatever.. so anywayz they came over we had fun got drunk.. well everyone except oscar and brandon. So when me and oscar are alone in my room he told me he liked me.. and i was drunk and horny..(Lol). so there, that was our first, and even though i was drunk i will always remember how beautiful it was. My heart melted i had shivers down my spine... it was everything i wanted and everything i was looking for. But wait.. this is beas ex.. wtf kerry.. dont do it. Dilemma, dilemma. She didnt know about it and i couldnt tell her.. she wasnt over him.. she wanted him back. We ended up sleeping over his house and from getting drunk earlier she wasnt feeling great and was in the bathroom a lot of the time.. every oppurtunity me and oscar had we would kiss.. it was like the fourth of july everytime. We started secretly dating. My mom didnt like it cuz she knew me and bea were friends and what i was doing was very very wrong. but i wasnt thinking.. this guy made me happy. As soon as bea found out.. like a month later i guess.. she was fuming with rage. She told everyone my secrets and she made all her friends and other random people at school hate me. Shitty days for little old kerry. But i had oscar.. and even though i didnt really want to be with him anymore it was too late. I needed him now more than ever.. he was all i had. So we dated through the summer and a lot of the time i wasnt happy. Finally he broke up with me like two weeks into school. It was extremely hard for me to deal with, i felt so alone and so ugly and unworthy. Even though things weren't the greatest between us i really liked him a lot.. at one point i thought i loved him. I still have saved convos between us.. i cant delete them.. we were so into eachother. I found out he's been cheating on me with bea during the summer.. and i always had a feeling that he was. She still hasnt forgiven me for what has happened.. but i dont understand how she always made me out to be the bad person when all along shes been with him. and hes back with her now. its so hard for me to see them together. But lately oscar hasnt been looking to happy.. and we have a lot of eye contact in the halls.. and when hes hugging her he looks at me.. does he still want me? i want him sooo bad. I dunno what to do. I'm talking with other guys.. i have a date from homecoming.. he's 3 years older and he's a really sweet guy. But nothing can compare to what me and oscar had.. and i miss him everyday. I need to get my mind off him.. but i dont know how. I have to see him evryday. And when he notices me.. and when i notice that he notices me.. i just dont know what to do. I love him. Help.
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