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Knikkers in a twist (lovehermadly) wrote,
@ 2004-09-21 00:06:00
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    Current mood:sad-ish
    Current music:i don't know

    Set them a BLAZE!!
    Insomnia likes to kick in when you have a lot on your mind. As it does every night. I had a cure, it worked for a couple of nights. But tonight...well it's a long story, and I'm about to explain a whole lot of it.

    I was happy for almost all of this past week, and then...I don't know, the past couple of nights I cried, for I don't know what reason. Sometimes I think I do...maybe I'm just don't want to say. Eventually I will...I miss being happy already. Maybe it was all an illusion...well whatever it was, it was nice, and I liked it. I question myself too much...my insecurities get the best of me...and everytime something like this happens, I find something new to be insecure about. I'm always left without an explaination...all I want to know is why..I fail to see why that's so hard.

    Lately I've been getting frustrated by a lot of things, the more it makes me want to set things a blaze. I try to contain myself.

    I was listening to Janis Joplin while I tried to sleep...her voice is amazing. I wish I could be like her, because she had Bobby McGee, I want a Bobby McGee. I want to feel that kind of bond with someone:
    "Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train
    And I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans
    Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained
    It rode us all the way into New Orleans
    I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana
    I's playin' soft while Bobby sang the blues, yeah
    Windshield wipers slappin' time, I's holdin' Bobby's hand in mine
    We sang every song that driver knew, yeah

    Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
    Nothin' don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no no
    And feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
    You know, feelin' good was good enough for me
    Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

    From the Kentucky coal mine to the California sun
    There Bobby shared the secrets of my soul
    Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done
    Yeah, Bobby baby kept me from the cold
    One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away
    He's lookin' for that home and I hope he finds it
    But I'd trade all o' my tomorrows for one single yesterday
    To be holdin' Bobby's body next to mine

    Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
    Nothin', that's all that Bobby left me, yeah
    But if feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
    Hey, feelin' good was good enough for me, mm-hmm
    Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

    La-da-da La-da-da-da La-da-da da-da da-da
    La-da-da da-la-da la-da, Bobby McGee, yeah
    La-da-la-da-la-da La-da-la-da-da
    La-da-la-da-la-la, Bobby McGee, yeah
    La-da-da La-da-da La da-da La da-da
    La-da-da La da-da La da-da
    Hey, my Bobby, Lord, my Bobby McGee, yeah
    Lo-da-lo da-la-lo-da-la
    Lo-da-la-lo da-la-lo la-la-lo la-la-lo la-la
    Hey, my Bobby, Lord, my Bobby McGee, yeah

    Lord, I call him my lover, call him my man
    I said I call him my lover, did the best I can, c'mon
    Hey now Bobby now, hey now Bobby McGee, yeah
    La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-la
    Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee, Lord!

    La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la
    Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee, yeah"

    I want that!

    I have more on my mind...I just can't remember now. I'm sure if I try going to sleep again, it'll all come back...I don't know if I want that.

    Insomnia really does suck...I need a drink.
    I can't wait 'til Saturday...drinking...and lots of it...YAY!! I know the good feeling will only be temporary, but at least there will be a good feeling...everything seems to be temporary now a days, well for me at least.

    I suppose I have to deal with it...just like everything else.

    Insomnia: thoughts running through my mind like crazy, crying because I lost control of them, wanting to give up, but Iw on't let myself, I'm too stubborn and arrogant. Because it's no longer called sarcasm...it's smart-assism
    One of these days I'm gonna get my ass beaten for that. I already got smacked behind the head by my mom. I laughed though.

    ::sigh:: I think I'll try the sleep thing one more time now.



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