gillian (lostvegetation) wrote, @ 2009-04-20 21:13:00

change myself
i had a nightmare about a girl with dirty blonde hair in black stockings getting stabbed. she was climbing over something white, like a propane tank, and her stockinged legs and feet were slipping. she was in between floors. her husband found her between two doorways, her ghost let him in. there was a strange world with funny roads, and shade from big trees. other dreams mixed together.

i had a dream that my teeth were falling out, i just remembered. i woke up cold, but felt hot inside. in the muddle of half consciousness, i felt that this dream had some kind of significance.
but doesn't everyone feel that way about those dreams?
jarring nightmares, those are.

when i woke up, it was like hypoxia. like i'd broken free, into some unknown haze.
and then i was hit with this dreadful feeling that i was completely alone in the world. and i didn't know if anyone felt the same way. and what's worse, i don't believe anyone cares.
at least, no one notices.

maybe everyone feels that way.

today was sunny and warm. i didn't shave my legs and i did not dress appropriately.
it was busy and caroline was home sick watching judge judy.
people came and came. i smiled warmly and anticipated something warm back. i can't imagine what they see in me.

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