| Current music: | i wanna be adored |
safe in your shell
i hate you. i hate you i hate you. we will never be the same. i don't want to be like you. you're no good. you're not anything i'd want. go away from here.
i'm always alone. the tulips are blooming and the trees are dripping buds. i'm burrowing further and further from all of that. the sunlight makes me sad.
i moved everything around today. i stubbed my foot against the old tv under my desk. i didn't notice it for awhile, but eventually looked down to see blood and ragged, broken nail. i used to think that moving furniture somehow made life suddenly new and different. i don't feel that way now. not at all.
i'm worried about responsibilities. i'm always worried about the wrong decisions. all of my bad choices. i ruminate over people who chase me, the boys i hiss at and hide from. or the ones i anger or scare away. why do i think about them so much? i'm the one who pushes everyone away. it's all very pointless.
poor me, so lonely.
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