gillian (lostvegetation) wrote, @ 2009-03-20 12:03:00

oh you awful person
i'll just let the tears drip.

i didn't want to deal with anything anymore so i went to the doctor on monday. i kept going back, for counseling, for worried faces. i trudged back and forth with a pale face, trying to look miserable. so they'd believe me? i'm certainly miserable. but just then i simply felt blank.

everything is falling apart.

every little dream.

i missed a whole week of work. i hope i get fired. i wish i'd never go back. but the future just looks empty.

i do not know what to do. i do not know what to do.

last night i got too drunk and had a huge fight with chais. he called me a schemer and a manipulator. he spewed a lot of hurtful things. i was shocked. i'm so hard on myself, i always blame myself, but in this situation, he was just wrong.

i walked home 20 blocks at 5 AM and cried on the bridge over ravenna park for someone to come and save me.

i do not know what to do.

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