| Current mood: |  confused |
| Current music: | Standing Outside The Fire |
Last Night
Last night was a blast. I attened a meeting then went to see a Drag Show. I ran into a good friend there and we got to hang out. Even though she stopped me from going home with anyone. Oh well I had a blast dancing with some of the queens. I even got lap dances from 3 of them. Erica Lee the main queen kept telling all single Lesi's to help me with my hornyness, LOL. She's a riot. Next Friday is her B-Day bash and she told me that I have to show up. I'm seriously thinking about going, It was nice to be able to cut up and have fun. I have 2 places where i can go and be myself, I just wish that I can some how bring'em together. I never have to hide my being an addict in the meetings or afraid to show my PRIDE in the club. Having Lauren there last night was amazeing, I had both worlds in place for a while. Even tho alot of people in recovery know I'm gay and some people at the club know I'm in recovery. I can tell that they're not sure how to act or what to say about that side of me. Even when I'm at my best friends house I never really feel that I can be all of me. I get the eye rolls or an uneasy feeling when I talk recovery or my gayness. For a few months there I had someone in my life that made me fell that I didn't have to hold back who I was. But do to my fuck up, I lost her. She no longers want anything to do with me, It hurts like hell. I still love her. I wish I could make it up to her but I can't. I have to learn to go on living with out her in my life. Even tho it hurts like hell. A fellow addict told me last night that I should be thankful for what she brought to my life, and I am, If she didn't leave me I would never started getting serious about my recovery again. I would still be barely getting by with a little as I could in it.
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