| Current mood: |  confused |
Somethig is not right. I dunno what;s wrong. I dunno I think I am crazy now
I dunno something is wrong or something. Someone asked why I was crying and I didn't even know I *WAS* crying. And then I said good bye to my dog and she said it was OK but she will miss me. But dogs can't talk!!!!!!!!
and then I thought I fixed a jet engine, but I dont' work. I dont' work anymore!!!!!!!!!
My two loves are gone. Meredith and jets airplanes. I think I am crying but I dunno.
I had things and then I lost them all!!!!!!!!!! And then lost them again and again and again. And now I have nothing. I'm not sure if my cats alive. But kitty can't die cuase she's on a pedistal. No No don't take kitty away again. Plz don't PLZ PLZ. I fix her charm and earring and eveything!!! And she said she loves me.
I dunno I dunno and I'm going to hell!!!!!! I don't wanta!!! I'm not a bad person. I didn't do anything wrong. I love things and they go away or try to kill me. NO NO I'm not. Nothing loves me. So I can't love things or they hurt me.
And I'm scared. Something is not right and I know it. I'm not feeling well and they are gonna hurt me and lock me up.
But my father is sick and I can't be locked up! I'm the strong one remember the whole family looks up to me after my dad. I have to take care of my mother and my dog. Cause no on else will do it.
BUt with out my kitty life is stupid now. It hurts to love something so much then to kinda get it back only to lose it again.
You know I was gonna do this huh god? My time is short.... I can feel it. How many more things will you *RIP* away from me? HOW MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To many!!! That how many things have been ripped and re-taken from me. What have I done to PISS you off god?
I am beaten. I know what I have to do now. I will miss you all so much. I'm gonna cook like my grandnother tomarrow. Then we will share a beer and drink cards like how we used to when she was around. Then things wil be OK again and I can fix stuff and help people again. I hope I can help Meredith. Maybe at least one of us can be happy.
If I don't go to hell.
I had a dream, but that dream was taken from me.....TWICE.
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