Jason J. (lonelysamurai) wrote, @ 2006-02-23 00:12:00

rush of thoughts
protection: i was unable to protect before, and i am unable to protect now.
fear: the fear of loving somebody again, then it being taken away from me. thrown in my face.
helpless: having no control over something i expected to have influence in. i fucked up.
torment: my mind giving up a vow because i care so much about one person. confused.
pain: when the person you care about the most in your life trys to end her life. am i worthless?
promise: broken to save her life. worth it.
god: why allow this torture to her. you've shown you have control.
love: gifted once again with a feeling of joy, estatic happiness, and wonder. threatend
support: was offered, countless times. unused.
samurai: to serve in the protection from ANY and ALL harm. to offer my life first and formost.
to live honorably to the master, and then oneself. protection above all else. failed.
demons: resufacing. past monsters trying to attack me now.
reason: now more than ever, to protect her, but, help her beable to continue, strive for life. necissary.
hers: working to find reason. obvious is me, but this doesnt count. storming.
meaning: i find mine in her, but does she accept that? want that? hoping.
hers: me. more. future. children. life. love with NO limitations. success. happiness, joy. comfort. devoted.
motivation: her, never leting her feel my pain, suffer as i, devistate her life. failed, still fighting, every second of every day.
hers: looking, either its not here at all, or what is here isnt helping. my failure.
destiny: helping her, caring for her, protecting her. embraced.
hers: so much more. beautifull.
truth: what am i worth? can i really help her? does she really want my help? am i pushing her away?
beauty: finding mine in the person she makes me be. the person i attempt to be every second of my life. awsome.
hers. inside and out. special. unique. tremendous. knowing the person she is, and the person she'll become. gorgous.
miricle: each and every day i wake up. only because she has pulled me through to be here, to believe what i
believe. and to support me in everything. i love that.

so confusing yea? tell me about it.

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