Natasha (lonelypepper) wrote, @ 2004-01-29 19:43:00

Current mood:	pissed off
Current music:	The Crystal Method

Fuck Off


This past week has been interesting...

Last Friday: had everyone meet my good friend Matt and had my last final one on one night with Preston (didn’t go too well)

Saturday: enjoyed a fun stoner party at Jackie's house. Saw Mike as naked as he'll ever be. It was a great party though; everyone was fun to be around with, I couldn't have asked for a better time or better people. The same night, Matt and I drove over to Hot Monkey Love Cafe, which is the new Cathedral. I had a great time there as well. Aside from us, there was Julie, Andrew, Melissa, Megan, and stoner Preston. I left with Julie and Andrew. All over the night was great. I had fun, I danced, I forgot about my problems. Beautiful.

Sunday: Fun times with Julie, Andrew, and Melissa

Monday: Fun times with Julie, Andrew, Melissa, Matt, and Sean. It was all lots of sober fun. I think Julie, Melissa, and I freaked Sean out a little bit though but hey, it was still enjoyable. After Matt and Sean left, I soon passed out on Melissa's bed. Then next morning it was just a big family reunion at her house. It was kinda funny, her mom comes home and sees Julie and Andrew downstairs, then me sleeping with Melissa and I was practically naked. She didn't think anyone was home but she didn't seem too upset so I'm sure things are cool.

Wednesday: wonderful half day. Went to downtown Encinitas with my mom where I met up with little freshman Daniel. My mom went to Solana Beach and we ended up at Starbucks where we met Alex and Kayla. Daniel and I had a biting war. He won. He gave me the hicky of doom, and it doesn't look good. Julie came to the rescue letting me switch shirts with her turtleneck sweater. I saw Preston, I tried to talk to him, but I couldn’t. He was so cold and uninviting. I gave up, like I apparently always do, because I'm just a heartless bitch that way.

On a later note, I just finished a conversation with Preston:

 BlackSilverLight:  how’s the hicky
 PepperPamelaM:  hehe, they haven't found out yet
 PepperPamelaM:  brb
 BlackSilverLight:  whos it from
 PepperPamelaM:  hi, but yeah the turtleneck helped a bit
 PepperPamelaM:  this kid at school wanted to bite me back because I bit him but he bit too hard
 BlackSilverLight:  that is not a bite mark and you know it
 PepperPamelaM:  well I’m not saying he just bit me, i just bit him, and he gave me a hicky
 BlackSilverLight:  oh come on do you think I am stupid
 PepperPamelaM:  no...
 PepperPamelaM:  i never said you were stupid
 BlackSilverLight:  you don’t have to
 BlackSilverLight:  don't*
(Okay, first of all, is this even any of his fucking business to begin with? So what if I participated in a massive wild orgy? would it be of any concern to him? NO!)

 PepperPamelaM:  oh what a sweet one you are
 BlackSilverLight:  I was once
 PepperPamelaM:  well at least you were at one point
 BlackSilverLight:  but I don't feel the need to be any more all the ones I loved have hurt me so i don't feel that I need to be
 BlackSilverLight:  so i fI keep them away they can't hurt me
 BlackSilverLight:  I'll better off that way and so will everyone else
(is he just trying to make me feel like a lump of shit? Why doesn't he just say directly to me that I'm terrible?)

 BlackSilverLight:  and I don't know how I got to be an ass
  but they’re a few factors that could be it
  can you guess them by chance
 PepperPamelaM:  i'm sure i can
 BlackSilverLight:  then go right on ahead
 PepperPamelaM:  well after we broke up, i'm sure you just stopped caring
 BlackSilverLight:  did I?
 BlackSilverLight:  I think it happened before then
 PepperPamelaM:  well yeah you did
 PepperPamelaM:  which kinda helped to end the relationship
 BlackSilverLight:  well then since you r so smart what got me to that point
 PepperPamelaM:  who says i was so smart?
 BlackSilverLight:  I did and always did
 PepperPamelaM:  well maybe it was me, maybe it was all just me
 BlackSilverLight:  oh I wasn't saying that
 BlackSilverLight:  yes I will admit that you did play a big part in it
 PepperPamelaM:  i'm just a big fucking curse

 BlackSilverLight:  well fine if you want to be that way then you are but know that you are still cursing me there isn't  a day that goes by that I can't get you out of my head ad that just maybe we could get back together but then I think that it would only hurt you more and I would still lose you I can't stop thinking about you its like I am obsessed
 BlackSilverLight:  so maybe you are a cuse
(if I want to be that way?? Who the fuck made that way? I certainly didn't start off the day like "that way")

 BlackSilverLight:  it is true though no matter what I do I lose you
 BlackSilverLight:  that poem I wrote that I sang part of to you holds more truth than you know
 PepperPamelaM:  do you think that i wasn't affected when we broke up?
 PepperPamelaM:  because i was
 BlackSilverLight:  I hate being a hopless romantic
 PepperPamelaM:  oh well, what can you do?
 BlackSilverLight:  that was always an issue for me, I would pour my heart out onto you and you would always say, in so many words, oh well
(WHAT THE FUCK?? Yeah that's right... I just never gave a flying fuck. I don't know if this was just me, but what a FUCKING ASSHOLE!)

I've got another word for you Preston.... It is so over between us. Thank you, this conversation made me remember how much of a jerk you are.

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