|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||The Radio|
Another day of torture. So! I talked to Usman last night and of course we had a fucking fight over stupid shit. So, after he made his decision to not respect my decision I told him it was over. We are longer anything more than just friends. So, its official. I ended it with him and I dont think I will ever be anything more with him than just friends. I just think its bullshit. He wants me to do something that I feel I would lose my self respect if did. NO! Not sex or anything..just something that I dont want to say because its disrespectful to our private conversations to say anything. Yes, it might sound weird but there is more to it than that. We dont even live in the same country. I think I will miss him now that I know its a for sure thing about not being with him. I just cant take it anymore. I cant take the fact that he is pushing me to do something that I dont feel is right. I mean..why? Why cant he wait? He thinks that I will never come to Pakistan and that we will never be alone. How does he know that? The fact is..HE DOESNT! He doesnt want to compromise. He doesnt..really he doesnt. I tired of it. Im finally glad that I wised up. Its 5yrs down the drain. Good-bye love!
Poem in the Exponent... how true though:
How am I supposed to define loneliness?
It's the emptiness I feel inside
But you can't say that you're that way
Because it's something you're supposed to hide.
Is there any way around this?
Is there any way to not feel so alone?
I really don't think so
But that answer is unknown.
I sit alone in my room
Wishing I had somewhere to go
But instead I'll just stay here
And just enjoy the company of my shadow.
Everyone tells me to go out
To meet them at the frat
I just wish I had someone to hold onto
Someone with whom I could just chat.
But that person doesn't exist
The one for me isn't out there
So, I'll just stay here
And keeping on living in this nightmare.