|Current mood:|| frustrated|
I think Usman has a much stronger will and hasnt emailed me because he is forever mad at me and I dont really care. I can deal with that because I DID promise myself I would forget him and move on with my plain life. So, here I am again typing in this thing. I must tell you...If you were/are in love with someone for at least 5 years, just know that it will be hard to forget about them if thats your ultimate plan. I never thought it would end this way though...with Usman I mean. I seriously thought we would end up marrying each other and live happily ever after. I guess that sort of thing only happens once in a lifetime. So, I didnt happen and now I find myself trying to forget him, but yet Im still online waiting to see if he comes online. Im so fucking weird. I need to just grow up I suppose. Hes not worth it. Hes already proved that much about himself. He only cares about spending time with me now and even using me. I thought he was a gentleman and he proved that wrong for himself too. Life sucks. I should have realized that a long time ago. Instead Im just learning it now.
Im going through so much shit right now its not even funny. My mom is slowly dying and it hurts to even look at her. If you live with seeing someone a certain way for 18-19yrs and they suddenly change from that way...it can really hurt and it hurts me. God help her.
OH GOD! Usman has signed online. Im doomed for sure. What shall I do? I will not Instant Message him. He must talk to me first. Thats it. Friendly talking and nothing more.