| Current music: | Skinny Love - Bon Iver |
I feel like it's appropriate to write this entry separate. I went to a viewing today for Marilyn, Big Daves mother. I was never super close to her but she was always at family functions. She was sweet and she hated Linda which gave us at least one thing in common haha. But she passed away a few days ago at age 69. Too young. I don't know if she wanted to die. But I think somewhere in her she lost a fight.
She essentially became anorexic. She stopped eating. She drank half a cup of coffee a day and smoked cigarettes until she withered down to 85 pounds. Anyone who passes away at that weight when they are capable of eating has an eating disorder. I think we fail to see that these things don't adhere to a certain class or group.
I don't feel comfortable writing her story in here. It's not my place, being so distant and all. But it just broke me today listening to her decline. Listening to how she lived her last few months, in a dark apartment with nothing but coffee and cigarettes. Sometimes people give up. She felt alone from the loss of her second husband. I guess she just wanted to be with him so bad she allowed these things to happen to her. I don't know. But it kills me that as they said she was dying and could no longer reciprocate or speak, she could cry. Dave said that when she lost all her communication skills in the last hour he was talking to her and Kari mentioned a cartoon they used to watch together all the time and tears started falling down her face. It's crazy how we think people can't hear us when they really can. It kind of gives you some sort of closure to know your words are making it through.
I don't know. All of this today has been weighing on me. I think I need to meditate or something. I need to get out of my head before I wear down from it all.
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