| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Figured You Out- Nickelback |
¤BaCk AgAiN¤
Well I cant sleep =( Meh. Not like I sleep anymore anyways. Its too scary =S I keep twitching and having fuct up dreams and... I dont know =S Im really scaring myself though. Half the time I dont even realize what Im doing anymore =S My mind's so messed up.. If this medicine doesnt help..Well I dont know what I'll do =S I cant take being like this anymore though.. Its scaring the shit outta me.. Like I dont even really understand whats wrong, just that I know I shouldnt be like this. I really really hope that I do have a serotonin imbalance (Just another thing wrong with me, but oh well) cause it would really explain a lot. Like: chronic depression, not being able to control my anger or anything, anxiety attacks, eating disorder kinda thingys, suicidal tendancys, extreme changes in emotions very quickly.. It'd make a lotta sense =S But Im SO scared it isnt going to help me and =*( I dont know anymore.. I need help.. And my parents have given up and Ive fuct up with my friends (But oh well, they come and go anyways, no one stays anyways) But.. =*( Im so scared =S This just has to help.. I dont wanna get any worse.. And I want everything to stop so I can just be a normal teenager with a normal like and not have to deal with all this shit.. Like my parents have wanted to check me into a psych ward over night a few times lately cuz Ive just blown up at them for no reason and went crazy and started throwing around shit and breaking everything. And Ive been sitting anywhere a lot lately and just started crying for no reason but I cant make it stop =S This is so scary.. I wish I was still in Grade 6.. Before everything got messed up and I was still sane and normal and not fuct in the head.. I wish there was still someone to talk to, too =*( Like my old gals, I miss them all SO much =*( All our good old times..Where we'd have so much fun, but not get in any trouble. Like innocent fun =( I cant even do that anymore =S I cant be sober anymore cuz I cant handle anything =S Its pathedic and terrifying =S I want help so bad..But no one will help me =*( Life is so unfair.. I wish I was little again =*( I want Kaleigh and Jenna and Court and Kris back and I wanna be able to have innocent fun with them and not be crazy and fuct and everything =( I want my old life back =*(
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