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§ŧÊşŠïĖ (lilmissy420) wrote,
@ 2004-03-27 06:19:00
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    Current mood: lonely
    Current music:Figured You Out- Nickelback

    ¤GiRlS fUcKeN sUcK!¤
    Im no longer talking to: Natalie, Jessica, or Shandel. Or any other chicks for that matter. They all fucken baskstab because of guys. Its fuct. Natalie told me tonight that she wants to punch me in the face for calling her a slut. Well excuse me that I told her the truth! Shes slept with a different guy every single weekend for over a month now. And some weekends its been more then 1 guy, like 2 or 3 a weekend. So I personally do think she is a slut for that. And Jessica's pissed because tonight her and Natalie were being drunk and stupid and started bitching about how I've been ditching them lately (the last 2 weeks) for Jay. Well, Jessica isnt aloud up there anymore cuz she was being stupid and the same with Natalie so hmm, I think they fuct themselves over. And they were bitching about how I'm being stupid ditching them for "some guy" so I flipped out (Whole other story- I have some chemical imbalance in my brain and have to take medicine for it, I'll explain late in this though) and said that I'm not the one being stupid because, "I'm not sleeping with different guys each weekend, am I? Nope. And I'm not the one who's 15 and pregnant, am I? Nope." So now they wont talk to me because they say that I dont care about them and that I'm fucking myself over and dont deserve to be their friend. Well sorry, but I honestly dont care. If I lose them, oh well, not that big of a loss... I dont care about anyone much anymore. Not my parents, my friends.. No one really. Only Kira, Jay, and.. well them. Cuz Jay's been there for me for a while now and has helped me out a lot, and he hasnt fuct me over. Yet. And Kiki, well shes my Kikibear.. I could never not care a lot about her. But even Shandel.. She runs her mouth WAY too much, so even her, I dont really talk to anymore. Shes too ... Im not really sure how to explain it- she doesnt care who she tells what, and she cant keep secrets, and she runs her mouth to everyone about everything, and then she flips out on you for it. So even Shandel.. I wouldnt consider us best friends anymore @ all. Shes always with Tyler now, and Tyler doesnt like me so fuck them. I dont need them anymore.. I have Jay for the time being, so oh well. And after him, well theres always the next group. Always has been, always will be. *Shrugs* Fuck people, they cause too much shit.

    Now, about my sarantonin thingy. Its some chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you react extremely over small things. Like it just makes you fuct in the head and over react over everything. Cause with my parents, I always really overreact over everything when we get in fights and I have a tendancy to throw shit @ walls and put holes in them or smash people in the face for pretty much no reason. Like the way a normal person would react to something, they'd just be mad or upset with what someone said, but me, I'd punch them in the face or throw a text book at my wall and put a huge hole in it. Just shit like that. Its like if it gets bad enough (and drugs DONT help it, they only make it a lot worse) I could be put in a psych ward for it. Its fuct. They wanted me to be tested for it in Grade 8, and at St. Stephens when they wanted me to do anger managment. Its pretty much just like an anger issue. You cant deal with anything normally, its all in extremes. Like really happy, really depressed, really angry.. Those kinda things. Its the same way someone would react if they do a lotta coke- they just flip out. But ya, I gotta take pills for it now to calm me down, cuz in the last couple months I've gotten a lot worse and Ive got in a LOT of fights with everyone. Like Im punching people in the face that are supposed to be my best friends because they said something I didnt like. So Im having an intresting time with all this. Plus its hereditary.. My Dad has the same problem- and it usually leads to alcoholism, drug addictions, abuse, obsessive compulsivness, etc. Which my Dad's dealt with all of, and Im pretty close to being there myself. So hopefully this medicine works and makes me slightly less fuct in the head and saner and shit, cuz Im getting to the point where I cant take this, but no matter what, I cant seem to change it at all. Oh well.. I hope it works.. But ya, I seem to be losing a lotta friends over this =S At least I understand why Im so fuct in the head now though (And its not because of the drugs! =) Lol)

    I love your pants around your feet
    And I love the dirt that's on your knees
    And I like the way you still say please
    While you're looking up at me
    You're like my favourite damn disease

    And I hate the places that we go
    And I hate the people that you know
    And I hate the way you can't say no
    Too many long lines in a row
    I hate the powder on your nose

    And now I know who you are
    It wasn't that hard
    Just to figure you out
    And now I know who you are
    It wasn't that hard
    Just to figure you out
    -- Me and Jays song =S I really hope he doesnt fuck up and get in shit.. I really care about him a lot =S But Im going to bed now..Nighty night. *Ps: I CANT WAIT TO GO SEE JAY TOMORROW! =)*

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