|Current mood:|| depressed|
Hey, long time no see.
My computer's still busted, hence the no writing. I'm completely unmotivated, which also helps... aka. why i'm writing this instead of doing work.
I just completely feel like shit. I kind of realized that much of this is b/c of the depression and medication, plus my self-medication, which isn't helping. I feel like i'm falling down a black hole and there's nothing i can do to claw my way back up.
For many reasons, some good and some bad, no one is here with me right now, and i wonder about that. why i'm sitting here alone, and what i've done to make it this way.
its all fucking up my school work and my relationship with a lot of people. i just want to be me again.
my only saving grace is when i actually get something accomplished, but that good feeling doesn't last as long is it usually dones. or when i'm with someone who understands exactly what i'm going through. even though i feel isolated i have that one special person who i can talk to and i don't feel crazy anymore, i feel like what's been going on isn't just me. thank you so much special person.
"True, I have many voices. I speak like a let-down lover, a diarist, a social critic, straight sass. I fear I am everything, which of course amounts to being nothing." --Lauren Slater, Prozac Diary