| Current mood: |  disappointed |
| Current music: | "Down" - Blink 182 |
thoughtful insight.
i don't know what the meaning of my existence may be. it could be to make a difference, it could be to become successful at a young age. or it could be to be constantly pissed off at stupid shit such as high school and all it's stupid contents. this only comes to mind when i think about how i'm a junior in high school... it's almost over. i'm a little sad, a little depressed - but only because WAIT - what did i do all throughout high school? sure i've had my fair share of parties, drunkeness, hookups that meant nothing, heartache, bad grades, etc. but one thing that separates me now is that... all the typical contents of high school that once WAS my life... is long from it. let's recap: FRESHMAN YEAR - i had no "group"until i met eric, and they weren't even my friends. for a while i chilled with mina and mary but that never really was classified as a group. december and on of freshman year, i drank every weekend, partied every weekend... and it was awesome. SOPHOMORE YEAR - was worst. i drank a lot and fucked shit up. hung out with what i wanted to be my "group" but never really fit in. miserable about 87% of that year. WORST YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL BY FAR. JUNIOR YEAR - so far, drank on two memorable events. the first home fb game with mary in the woods with all the boys (fun ass time) and then again during ANOTHER fb game with chris and everyone else. had a lot of fun. i don't do much (not saying that it's not important though) i chill with chris and/or mary about 50% of my weekends/week and i work the other 50%. it's awesome, i love them to death... but it all ties in with feeling like i just don't fit in. sure, things may get better. i have three months til driving. whoa. but, what am i gonna do besides drive the 17 minutes up to bloomfield to see chris or drive the 10 minutes through pequannock to chill with mare? unlike most, my high school career is comprised of nothing typically high school at all. and it's even hypocritical to say cause i HATE to be typical, but in this case... i just wanna be. there's not even a point in writing this shit. i'm just letting it out. it's not like i'm devastatingly depressed or crying my balls off - cause i'm mos def not. i almost feel like i'm cheating myself out of high school and having fun like everyone else. and it all falls back onto the friends issue.
call it jealousy if you will cause that's what it is.
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