| Current mood: |  anxious |
| Current music: | coffee and TV-Blur |
there's a hole there's a hole
I want to know by replies I may get with this entry whether love letters matter to a girl at all. Do gentle happy flattering words on paper in all graciousness make a difference in turning her stone heart to love? I have given her poems, and snippets from songs that relate the two of us so well. I believe that if I were her, I would be head over heels in loooorve with me by now. We met about a 8 weeks ago, before I went on a trip across the country, and I sent her postcards during my journey. Her phone has been disconnected, and I have no way to get ahold of her! I hate this madness! I will write another letter, a poem this time:
I sit in silence, I feel the guilt
My mind is racing but my heart stands still.
I never thought I'd still be here
After all these years.
I still love you
I still remember the words I chose
They cut inside me; they wound my soul.
I never thought I'd make mistakes.
This is all in vain.
I still love you
I've tried distractions, the only hurt.
I hear your laughter when the world's absurd.
Have all these mem'ries been in vain
After all this pain?
I STILL LOVE YOU
::
I should add that I went to school with her years ago, and now I have found her again after all this time. In high school we had good times, we had the same firends all thru our stay at that school, I had a MAD crush on her then, but abscence has only made my heart grow fonder (that old saying, uh, yeah. it's true). I wrote another entry on her and my quandary, for I cannot stress enough how much I care for this girl.
I was in cub scouts with her brother, for chrissakes!! she and my sister used to entertain themselves at camp while I and all the boys would do cub scout things. she has always been cute, and odd, almost as though she was exposed at a very young age to something only adults do (or see). She used to draw little faces on my fingertips. We would go as a group out to the woods near the stream by the school in the sumertime. WE'd watch old pink floyd viddees, we made home movies together....
It's not a crush if you've been dreaming of being in her arms for 6 YEARS, IS IT?? no, it can't be, not that, it can't be that no.
I think I might just let go of the last bit of happy sanity I've got left under my skullcap
if I found "it's only a crush," "let her go," "she just doesn't care"
I think I would embrace madness if those words passed my ears.
yes. after that, I would be comfortable being loopy all the time. permaloopy
yes. that's me.
23
(Read comments)
|
