|Current mood:|| bored|
Beer and Chocolate
You know, I never did go get that brownie mix the other night. Tonight I feel like getting a cheap bottle of wine and getting sloshed, maybe while taking a bubble bath! But most likely that's not going to happen either.
I might go get a 'tallboy' beer and a bag of M&M's . . . yeah, that might be the ticket for a lonely Saturday night. $2.00.
I don't think this long distance relationship with my husband is going to work out. I need to be in a relationship. I was thinking I might like to even live with a woman . . . not romantically, but someone in my circumstances or similar who would like to share living arrangements and even have meals together, go for walks, watch a movie . . .
The only reason I say not romantically is I don't think I'm wired that way. I guess what I'd really like is a 'Teddy Bear' kind of guy who has lots of feminine traits. Someone who likes to cook and garden, and is interested in flowers and stuff like that. Like my husband. But he's not here. *sigh* I guess what I am hearing myself saying loud and clear is I want a person who I feel close to in my life, a significant other, someone who is like family. Someone to share the burdens and lighten the load in all ways.
These weekends alone are getting old.
I told V I didn't want to talk tonight because I was not in a good mood. I could tell I would just bring him down. I just simply didn't want to talk to HIM. He is pleasant and no different than usual, I just had to have some distance. I think I know things are so over with us but I don't want to let go. But what am I hanging on to?
Okay, off for beer and chocolate to self-medicate.