excerpt from N.P.
from N.P. ~ Banana Yoshimoto
But I could do little to lessen the fatigue that had been building up in him before we even met, the weariness over the complications of his life. I was incapable of truly understanding the darkness that made up a large part of his personality, the blackness that I found so attractive. From the moment we met, I was a butterfly that flew into that space that was his soul, a room where the light had begun to dim. Although he may have regarded me as a welcome distraction, in fact, my presence only confused him more because I introduced flashes of daylight into his darkness.
This is merely wishful thinking on my part: if only the grown-up me could meet him, I could bring joy and calm into his life, rather than the dazzle of a teenage girl. Who knows, maybe it would be futile, but I still have such regrets. If I could only meet him again. This was my only hope. But maybe I'm overrating my own abilities.