| Current mood: |  confused |
I promised myself to never say "I love you" to a person except if I was sure. I can say it to friends and family - because it's alright in that context, but never to a person that I'm attracted to. Why? Because it gives the wrong impressions totally and it doesn't really mean anything. When I say it - I want to mean it. That's why I refuse to use it so willy-nilly as some do.
I have never gone against that thing (I could call it a rule - but that sounds so restircting) of mine...
Except for on Saturday night.
More stuff happened in that car then I remembered - or I do remember in flashes. I think I mainly remembered the ear-nibbling and neck biting because I was doing that constantly to him. Hrmm... I was wondering what my hands were doing during that time - and today I found out. I also found out how I ended sprawled on the seat - something which I did wonder about yesterday.
That's sounds very misleading. Ok - as I've said in my GL that didn't happen. Mainly because Joe stopped me. I was putting my hands into his pockets and that's when he was saying stuff like "But Alyce, we're friends...etc, etc, etc". He stopped that pretty quickly by just making me hold his hands. Hrmm... Apparently we sat like that for about ten minutes then Jake came and tried to make Amanda hop into the car. But I wouldn't let the door be opened so Joe had to lean across me to do it for Jake and I went "So you like it like that hrmm..." to him. That's when he pretty much jumped out of the car.
Gee - it feels good to write it down. I only found out about this incident this afternoon. Actually when Matt asked me what I remembered from sitting there with Joe in the car and I just said ear and neck nibbling and he went "You should talk to Joe". It was actually by luck that I meet them at Gloria Jeans - which turned out really good because I was dying of curiosity by then! Joe and I walked on ahead and he told me everything that I did.
I hope he's alright with it though... I really don't know. I can't tell. I'm terrible at stuff like this.
I even turned to spending nearly an hour outside at the basketball hoop with Jack Johnson playing to try and figure it out. Too bad it didn't work.
All this wouldn't really worry me because usually I would just laugh it off. But since I am attracted to Joe it makes it all the more "what the feck do I do now?" thing. Then again we haven't actually talked-talked about it. Maybe we'll do that tomorrow or something, and I can find out how he feels about it all.
The main thing about this really choppy and probably incomprehensive entry is:
While I feel sorry for putting Joe in that position, I don't regret one thing of what I said or did.
I think he was shocked when I said I didn't regret or wasn't ashamed of anything I did - only about not remembering it. Hrmm... Oh well. Just have to see what happens like usual.
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