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LadyAlyce (ladyalyce) wrote,
@ 2003-06-06 23:47:00
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    Current mood:crying
    Current music:Electric Blue - Icehouse

    Hoping for the better things to come
    I got told some pretty distressing news last night from Mumsy Dearest. I'm not sure as to whether to write it down here. I know that not many nearly none actually read - or for that fact know about it. I suppose that I will write it, since I need to put it down somewhere, and putting it on paper isn't the same. I know. I tried last night after I heard the news.

    Mum told Nicholas and myself last night that Pop went for some tests with the doctor, and he hasn't gotten the results yet, but the doctor thinks that they might be bad. Bad, as in cancer bad. Of course - the results aren't back so we don't actually know anything definent yet - and for the love of all the gods I hope that it's not going to be so.

    Pop's always been there in my life. We've never lived in the same town as any of relatives, but we always go up to Newcastle to visit them. I love listening to Pop talk about his youth and adventures. Just about randomness thats happened. Interesting little facts. I remember the year all of us went up there for Christmas. *L* I was about five and caught the chickenpox then straight afterwards got the German Measles. Hee... I also remember the huge earthquake that happened.

    I had a fascination with drawing the front of my Nan and Pop's house at one stage. I used to try to draw every single detail, then colour it in. *g*

    The sudden news that something may be wrong (hopefully not), has caused me to think more philosophically then usual. Pop's Catholic. I was divided last night by a decision to pray to his God or to my Gods. I choose mine. But in honour for his (the rest of my mother's side of the family) I'm now wearing my gold cross. I wasn't sure whether to put it on this morning. I've always had strong viewpoints that go against the Catholic church and felt that I'd be betraying my beliefs by doing so.

    But I did it. I placed on the gold cross that I wore during all of my Catholic religious sacraments. Come to think of it - Nan and Pop were there for the majority of them. All of them maybe. I always tell myself that I'm going to wear it unless specifically asked to by Mum - yet I put it on, and went to school with it on. Though, to stop at least some of my guilt over it, I also placed a symbol of my own beliefs around my wrist.

    In a way - I was representing both sides of me today. The past - the future.

    It may sound so stupid to you all that I was having a moral dilemna over wearing a cross - but for me, it signifys the length of what I would go to not to lose my Pop. It is my way of praying.

    One day I'll write in here what I believe, and go into great detail. But to understand that you would have to know me. Like properly know me. And at this moment - nobody does. Not in RL or Vh.

    Dear Gods I hope that Pop doesn't have cancer. I don't think that Mum or Nan could cope without him now. I really don't.

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