| Current mood: |  relieved |
| Current music: | Good Things-Rich Boy |
The start when things were golden :)
Holy shit... I actually saw her for the first time in just about a year. I think the last time I saw her was when I was at Wal-mart on that day I walked out on my job in August. I wasn't completely rushed emotionally when I seen her this time, which means that I am moving on. I admit I was surprised, because I never thought I would ever see her again. I guess going to pick up a cell phone at that Confed Wal-mart was a good idea. But yeah, what I am about to tell next is fully coming from what I actually felt. So if you find yourself asking, "Why would he say that?," just know that everything is coming from deep down. Because to be honest, there is some shit that I am not proud of, but I have the balls to admit it. It makes me feel more at ease when I get some skeletons out of my closet. I'm gonna break Cayla's story up into parts, because there is just so much to get out finally....
The very first time I seen or noticed Cayla was when I was training to use the cashier's till. I just started working at Wal-mart in Saskatoon, and I had to learn how to use the till before I started working in the automotive section of Wal-mart. I was at the very front tills, training on my own till and Cayla was operating the till right behind my till. At first I turned around and glanced at her and thought to myself,"Ok, she's a little cute blond, she's a little too good looking for my league." Then she had to tease and take it one step further. She would leave her till and come waltzing into my view, because it was pretty dead with hardly any customers. She made it look like she was looking for customers, but I got this strong feeling that she was looking for attention. I fell for it, and I would look over her way, because I guess I just wanted to feel like I was special or something. But that was just first impressions...
By the way, I don't think I ever ran into Cayla outside of work, so this whole thing was built around work. I got trained and I went to go work in automotive at my little till. It wasn't until later that I found out Cayla worked at the courtesy desk up at the front of the store. I still remember the first time Cathy(my manager) took me up to the courtesy desk to show me where to collect any returns. There she was...I didn't really think anything of it at first, it was more like,"Oh there's the little blond I first seen while till training." I was looking for someone to make work worth coming to. I mean sure you can work, but when you have something to look forward to, the whole meaning of work changes. So I began to grow an attachment of seeing her everyday...
I would find any odd item and empty packages in my department, to take up to the front of the store. And the first thing I would ask my self is,"I wonder if she is in today, I just want to see her face." And it all slowly built from there. It was kind of like I didn't want her to know that I was going up to the front to see her. I wanted to be low profile and act like I wasn't interested. I think that she was probably aiming for the same idea as I was. But you can't deny the indescribable feeling that was there.
It finally hit me one day, when I went up to the courtesy desk to return some stray merchandise. As I walked closer, I was hoping to see her and as I got around the corner, I was looking right at her and she quickly looked me in the eyes... At that moment, I felt this HUGE rush just overcome my whole body. I don't know if it was the look, or if it was the fact that she glanced at me in the first place, but I never experienced a rush like that before. I listened to music with artists saying that a girl could make them weak, but I never understood what they meant. It was until that moment, I understood fully what it meant. Because after my heart was racing so fast, I felt physically weak. It was something that I just couldn't understand, until I asked myself,"Is this what love feels like?" I literally felt drained out physically, and it made me want to see her even more. It was like heroine in a sense of speaking, because Cayla was the heroine, and I wanted more and more.
For the longest time, I would just think about her and nothing else. So what if customers got pissed off at me and work was kind of stressful, Cayla made it all worth it. I would just think of seeing her all the time and I would constantly think of the next time I was going to see her. I remember walking around the store sometimes, picking random items off the shelf to take up to her. Just to see that smile she had every time that I went to see her, made my day and brought comfort to my heart. There was this one time I went up to the courtesy desk and Cayla was happy and she made some funny remarks, but I just didn't know what to say to her. I always had this self conscious side that ate away at me, probably because of what happened with Lindsay. Yep, I guess I was traumatized for life by Lindsay.
I just got so tied up in the moment, because after three years of waiting for a girl to come along, I just didn't want to let it go. I took advantage of Cayla's situation, I thought that the feeling was going to last forever, because I knew neither of us were going to go anywhere. Isn't that how it goes for everyone? You don't know what you got until its gone. Well I learned that one the hard way:( I just thought that it was going to be like that forever.
I remember the time where she got switched to mornings and I never got to see her for like five days. Trust me, when you're that deep in, five days feels like an eternity. I would listen to the radio and when that song "When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne would come on, I would feel sad because I never seen Cayla. I would relate the lyrics in that song to how I felt when Cayla was gone. Even now when I hear that song, it reminds me of Cayla and me being sad.
After not seeing Cayla for about five days, made me feel like nothing mattered until I got to see her again, its all I looked forward to. Finally the day I seen her again, I got a super rush again that made me weak, but something was different this time. I know psychologist claim its nothing but bullshit, but my left ear rang loud when ever she seen me. It made me think that I had this unknown bond with her. Because every single time my left ear rang, I thought to myself,"I know she's thinking about me at this exact moment." The funny thing is my ear only rang that loud if She seen me or I was thinking of her, because it very rarely rings now, like it did back then.
I remember the day Brad first started work at the automotive section changing oil and tires. Cayla had a big smile and said to me,"If you see my boyfriend in the back, tell him I said hi," she continued,"He just started working in the back of TLE, his name is Brad." Now most guys would be heart broken to find out that the girl they really liked had a boyfriend, but not me. I was so convinced that Cayla was into me, that I laughed at the idea of her having a boyfriend that she liked. I had the biggest grim that day, and everyone was wondering why. I was just eager to meet Brad, just to see what Cayla seen in him. I was also looking for weaknesses in his character, to see if he was the ideal guy that deserved Cayla.
My first impression on Brad was,"How the hell does a guy that looks like that end up with a girl like Cayla?" But I knew there was more to him than meets the eye. He kind of seemed like the type that blocked out anyone who was trying to invade his world. He didn't trust people as openly as most people do. He was kind of permissive at first, but if you said the wrong thing he kind of got offensive. Like this one time I asked him about how long he was with Cayla and he was like, "for a while." Never did get any definite answers out of him. But he seemed like a pretty calm and collected type of guy, you know laid back. I did only find one flaw in him, and it was that he simply did not care enough. He acted like he didn't give a rats ass about whether or not his future was stable. In a way, he really only cared about his own well being, kind of selfish. But everyone has their flaws, even I do, Brad's flaw was just himself. I asked him about his situation and he said he was living in a house his parents gave him. He said he was living with his best friends and Cayla. I analyzed the situation right away and asked him," You aren't worried about your friends trying to steal Cayla off you?" He replied,"My friends would never do that, because they know that I would kick them out right away." I thought to myself,"I wonder how long its going to take him to realize what my dad taught me about how there is no such thing as a friend." I thought oh well he'll have to learn the hard way I guess, because I wouldn't trust no friends living around my girlfriend. I told him that, I said,"If I were you, I wouldn't trust no friends, they can turn their back on you like that." Brad said,"I've known them long enough to know nothing will happen." Then Brad got a little offensive after he said that, so I dropped the subject. But all in all, he was a guy that seemed like he truly had deep feelings for Cayla, way underneath his shell.
I often wondered why Cayla left him, if not myself, I would say that Brad was the best thing for Cayla. Because he wasn't as selfish as most of the pretty-boy assholes I have seen out there. But as always no matter what, I have come to find that nice guys ALWAYS finish last..
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