Walking With Shadows (l0st_in_silence) wrote, @ 2006-12-13 12:07:00

Anyway you'll never know, the many ways i've tried
So things have been pretty crazy lately.

Vicki Hickman died a few weeks ago, and i still really cant believe it.
She was found at school with alcohol poisoning.
It was just shocking that a girl i considered my friend, who was younger than me, who i felt like i needed to watch out for at certain times, could die so suddenly and so horribly. I went to the funeral with justine, but i didnt cry. I talked to her parents and a lot of other people there, and it was just a sad sad day. She will definitely be missed, especially the times i saw her at james' dads house.

Shortly after that, a girl Jami i worked with died.
Diabetic coma.
The viewing was last night but i had to work
and the funeral was today, but i had finals all day.

Other things are getting pretty crazy also.
I sort of feel like things between us are so much better.
I enjoy hanging out with him, and i enjoy our time a lone together.
Although im still obviously upset and paranoid when it comes to him wanting her.
Hopefully i can get up the courage soon enough to say something that wont make me regret it.
In another aspect it almost feels like we're isolating ourselves from everyone else.
Its always us, with the occasional person tagging along. but thats how i like it.
He seemed to have given up everyone except a select few.
Me being a primary. Which makes me nervous.
He doesnt need to call me every day.
How can he stand to be with me constantly.
I dunno, im just starting to feel like i cant handle this responsibility he's putting on me,
To always be around and hang out with him, and just keep each other company.
I dont want him to give up most of his friends, because its forcing me to give up mine too.
And i dont think im ready for that.
People are starting to figure things out more and more, and i dont know where it'll go from there.
I wish i could go away for a week and not be able to see or talk to him.
See how that makes things.
Maybe i'll try to do something.

Also i feel like im too attached, but it a weird way that i cant explain.
I just dont want to have those feelings. they freak me out.
He doesnt feel the same, and i dont want to feel like that
so why do i?

I neeeeed some answers. Its about time i got some.

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