You cant make your heart feel something it wont
ever since all this happened i've been thinking non stop. he confuses me so much. he pretty much said he doesnt love me, but then went and said he wants to be with someone who loves him, and that he thinks a relationship has to be one person who loves more than the other. we didnt talk much more about it, because i was honestly speechless, which is weird. but really, i dont know what love is, so how do i know if i love him? i do so much for that kid, and now i know he realizes it. I just want him to be happy. i hate the fact that he indirectly said he didnt love me. i really think we're so good for each other. i wish he would see it too. he said next semester he might go to culinary school in mays landing. i dont want him to leave. it makes me upset just thinking about it. i've worked so hard to get things where they are now. he cant just leave me. and even though its not far, its far enough that i cant see him everyday. i just wish we could sit down and talk about everything. i want to get everything out and just be completely honest with one another. it would ease my mind tremendously. as gay as it sounds, i just want to hold him and think of nothing but how good i feel at that moment. but i dont know if i could ever be with someone who doesnt love me. it would just be selfish. and i could take a hit to the heart if it meant he'd be able to look for someone he really loves. i dont know. we'll see what happens. blahh.
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