i dont wanna down you, i wanna make you high
winter break is almost over, and i really really really dont want to go back to school. i got used to my schedule of working, and now this is going to throw me into a whirlwind of responsibility that i dont feel like dealing with.
christmas was alright, and new years was fun also.
we put my dog to sleep a week ago, its still pretty weird without her.
i've come to the conclusion that i really cant help but have feelings for him. i know its ridiculous, but things just happen that make me think it'll all work out in the end. i hope so because i've put so much work into this. but when i think about it, i really like being able to do the things i do for him. i like being so giving and selfless. it makes me feel like im being a better person. it might make him think he can use me, but honestly its ok. my mom asked me when we were getting married today, and i told her soon.. he just doesnt realize it yet.. haha. i'll be patient and wait. i'll be a good friend. i'll be there when things get rough, and i'll offer help. it might take a while, but im not going to ruin anything he has now. i'll keep my secrets and hide my feelings.. because thats all i can think to do. each day tears me apart, i wish i could just let it all out.. but i cant. theres too much to lose. i wish i just knew what to do.. how its going to work out.
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