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I figured i'd make this entry my confessions entry. here we go. - i have an addictive personality - i bite my nails constantly because it makes me feel better, the pain and bleeding is only temporary - i smoke cigarettes and black and milds because i have nothing better to do, but i dont want to be addicted - i smoke pot everyday because i think its fun - i've done pot, shrooms, opium, snorted and smoked oxycontin, and huffed some liquid i've never seen before - i check myspace, facebook, blurty, yahoomail, my horoscope, and the weather constantly - i feel as though if i start having sex, i'll be addicted to that too - i love having a routine and becoming comfortable with it - im scared of change and doing something out of the norm freaks me out sometimes - i put on this act like im emotionally tough and nothing ever bothers me - i like crying, but it physically hurts - i constantly worry all the time, about everything - my mind is always thinking, always planning - seeing certain things just makes me wanna cry - im in love with my best friend - he'd never love me back - i cant tell if he thinks of our friendship the same way i do, or if he uses me - i know he uses me for certain things, but i look past it - i have this belief that if i hold on long enough it'll pay off - i know im not good enough for him and it kills me - i sort of miss high school - i miss being able to fuck around in classes - i miss being in chorus - i miss performing in indoor and outdoor guard - i know i'll never get the chance to perform again, and it makes me want to cry - i want to be so thin that my bones show - i make myself throw up when i feel bad - it makes me feel better - it would kill my parents if they knew - i get bad vibes a lot, like something might happen - it sends me into anxiety attacks - sometimes it comes true - that scares me even more - i wish i was a little kid again, i miss being innocent - i get annoyed with people very easily - sometimes i just like to be by myself - i love to sit on my porch and just stare out into the street - i feel like i have no one to really talk to, but i bring that upon myself - i push people away, and have no idea why - i feel as though im sick, like theres something wrong - i've always felt like this, but doctors always say its allergies - i think its cancer and that im going to die - maybe its just a psychosomatic illness - if i didnt have my music, i'd have nothing - i have a stronger emotional attachment to music then to people - i've always wanted to work in music, but im just not that talented - i've never had a boyfriend, and no one has told me they liked me in months - the last person i got with was last month, and he was a goal of mine since last year - its awful that i have those kinds of goals - i like one night flings, and people you hang out with to make out with - i dont deal well with people liking me, its too much attachment for me - i wish i had a person to get with all the time - sometimes i wonder if the things i say really come from me - i wonder if thats really my personality - am i my own person? - or have i spent years just conforming to the non conformers that i ridicule? Post a comment in response: |
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