kokonut (koko) wrote, @ 2002-12-07 22:36:00

inside i'm slowly dying
i swear today's just another freezing hell

anyway woke up way too early for my good, freezing, naked, uncomfortable. i had a fun hanging out with chrys and james last night, at ruby's, with my cousin. it's a shame that i didn't finish my buffalo wings!

on another note, i told chrys everything about my situation with ryan, and a couple of others. what shock is that she also has a new crush that she hasn't told me either, so we're tied. no bad feelings, i didn't really care.

driving alone with my cousin was a drag, really it was. the silence and discomfort made me realize how much i really want a guy in my life, oh no, to be there for me. i want a boyfriend, but i'm damn sure i don't need one. i don't need the emotional pressure tied to being into a relationship, because i know it would hinder my desire for independence, but at the same time i feel that i could endure such and such if i really wanted a boyfriend. fairly ambiguous.

i'd like to hold his hand, intertwined, warmly and happily. feel his warmth against my body when he holds me and kiss him, anyplace that i want to. it gets a tad hard if you feel sultry at the spur of the moment and you're all alone!

i don't want to get hurt

i swear it's only this winter season.

reminder: what i'm feeling is only a fad

but still,

i miss being in love

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