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Ben (kkvitas87) wrote,
@ 2003-06-20 19:06:00
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    Current music:track 5 on my CD

    Bad year, bad summer, bad life. good friends.
    all is well with me and mikey. Kat is fine. thank goodness. It doesn't feel like summer. I know that as long as things are all weird and awkward between me and cailey my life will be shit so i think it's best if i keep my feelings to myself and just be a great friend to her. I tried to talk to cailey but i couldn't bring myself (again) to tell her how i really feel. I simply said "friends?" she nodded and hugged me then i said we should hang out sometime. she said sure. If she was serious and not just trying to not be mean or whatnot then I'm really happy but if not, then i don't know. Like when i was hugging her and we had our arms around eachother. It was the best feeling in the world but i just kept saying to myself "friends, just friends". I think as long as her, sarah and I see a movie sometime and see eachother occasionally I'll be better. Hey, maybe as long as i keep up the way i've been and not be a dick she'll feel towards me, similar to the way i feel about her. Doubtfull but we can all hope. Can't we? i had the greatest time being with her, better than in my entire life. (which until then was bad) and then all of sudden we break up with no explanation and i see her everyday and just want to hold her in my arms but i can't and it hurts so bad. It's the worst feeling i've ever felt and i feel it whenever i see her or hear her or even think about her. I know we'd be great for eachother if she gave us a chance. but she won't. the only thing that would make me happy is being with cailey again. I love her soo much i'm just going to stay in touch and be myself. If that doesn't bring her back then, well i don't know.

    I've also decided who are all my real friends. Basically all of those girls, you know who you are i love you ladies. Only Dave, Zack, finney and maybe another guy or two in eight grad but i've decided most guys, especially at our age, are assholes and bad friends. In 9th, well tenth now, I like mikey, seb, will, bruce, ya know, all those ppl. and all my friends that are sixteen to 20-ish. all obviously mature enough to be great friends.

    I still feel like shit but i think with all of my great friends I just might survive.

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