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Caroline (killlingbliss) wrote,
@ 2003-10-22 12:46:00
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    I have a day to go
    you know its times like these i relize how fucking scared i am to be in love i mean its the worsest feeling everi have to say its like a feeling in the pit of my stomic that makes me feel so alone its crazy right that love makes me sick to my stomic you know i think it might be nervers but its worth it or is it really i ask myself that question ever fucking day is this worth is is the pain the sorrow the space is it all worth it and i think to myself sometimes its not and then i'm like what the fuck are you thinking that for all of this is worth it say this trip goes horrible well at least you had today at least i had the last two months you know i mean everything is relitive and i LOVE Taylor more then i ever loved anyone i called Nick the other day and just listened too him say hello for a min and all i could think about was taylor how fucked up is that i mean i use to never know what was going on in my head i finally have some clearty you know i know what is going on and its LOVE i think and the reason thats in captal letters is because it desverse to be i have everything plan he sayd to me everything for every day your here that is great must guys wouldn't give two shits but my boyfriends is the sweetest guy though he never let his friends know that or anyone really i don't get that but i do i mean he doesn't want people to know what a sweet guy with such emotions running deep inside of him it would make him seem WEAK i hate that word i know that LOVE and WEAK go together though because i wasn't a weak person till i fell in love i know soon i will make it or break it and i hope i make it i can't do this i say to myself slently in my head and i just wish i knew why i say that to myself all the time becvause i know i can do it that my booyfriend is more important to me that a monent of pain that his love will last me a life time and that i can't life with the regert of not seeing him but hey who knows what will happen a day is a long time may be it will be the day that breaks me or the day that changes everything i wish i could express what i feel in words but i can't its like everything and nothing at the same time its like the world is spinning beneth me and the and i am floating above everyone i know would have given up by now may be i should i secretly think to myself when i am laying in my bed wait for his call and then i know that those secret thoughts aren't really secert because i such a fucking bitch sometimes you know i am rude and hurtful confusing you know i am everything and nothing all rolled up into one i can't live with out him i want to run from him its like are souls are intertwined like are bodys just fit he says i am Beautiful we will see if he can llok me in the eyes and say the same I LOVE YOU TAYLOR and i know one day i will be in pain because of it but for know i am in bliss thanks for it hugs and kisses to all my dear friends i have today and tomorrow then i leave to go see my love we will see if he is a pure and it seems or if it just SUCKS pray for me goive me strength luck and hope and if i don't come back its only because i am finally happy


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