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Caroline (killlingbliss) wrote,
@ 2003-09-08 10:37:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Otep

    Life Sucks
    Saturday night i got so depressed for no reason i took so many pills and drank so much that i should have gone to get my stomich pomed i still feel sick and its monday my arms are still bleeding i went way crazy for nothing i want it to stop the toughts to stop i fucked my arms up big time worse then i ever have before i don't know why i just lost control and i could take it and then i relized i never had it bu what didn't i have i mean i don't know anymore i try and try and try and still i failed but what should i do i don't want to die i just ant to be heppy and all anyone can tell me is i have to work for it well guess what i have been for a long fucking time but the angry is always there waiting for me to snap waiting to make me go away and fopr its time to be free by the way when my mom found out that i took so many pills she said to my dad maybe tomorrow we will be free from it she didn't even wanna take me to get my stomich pomed she just kept hitting me and hiting me screaming and screaming then she saw my arms which pushed her over the edge i guess then my basturd father came in my room and i screamed or him to get out and he wouldn't then sunday i was like passed out from all the pills and they wouldn't leave me alone i couldn't even hold my head up my stomich kill i couldn't keep my eyes open i couldn't walk and they kept hitting me when i was laying there and it hurt they kept screaming the they draged me up the stairs and that busturd was still screaming at me i could feel it anymore beccause i passed back out its that not wonderful i'm sure non of you care my head is pounding and my body hurts but i am still at school i need to get away for a while i don't know what to do anymore i am going crazy in my own skin my head never leaves me not only in my dreams i am never free its all i want is to be avoid of emotions for a day not even a day just an hour to feel nothing no angry or sadness happy nothing just the emetyness will be abler to get me throug the rest of my like it will make me feel so free and loved just not not feel for an hour it would be bliss god i can't help be wonder what anyone would do if i would stop caring how many of my friends would be fucked my panerts my family if i just stop doin what i do they would have no one to take the blame to clean up there messes to do there dirty work to give them places to say to do bad things so they don't fight with each other but you what would they all do if they saw the truth saw that i help them in so meny ways some of which they don't even notice they would be lost with out me becaue no would take care of there dump ass shit no one would cry for them fight for them and be happy with them they wuld lose something they neever knew they had but i bet they would feel it i want to scream right now byt i can't be i am in a libary so just for infos purpuse you all couldn't taake this world with out me cause you have to many mess i clean up and to many of you need me to talk care of them so good luck with out me

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